gettin' laid

this is a special post for the guys out there - those interested, particularly, in getting laid.

i don't care if you're already in a loving relationship.  i don't care if you're into girls who wear scrunchies and wish they could still fit into the Limited Too.

if you have any self-respect, you will follow the following advice closely.  if you have a sex drive, you ought to follow it to a "t"...

don't you dare wear white tennis shoes

no, they don't make you look athletic.  unless you are actually jogging or on a tennis court, they make you look like the stereotypical american the rest of the world looks down on.  i don't care if they're comfortable.  they're fugly.  and they're not helping your cause.





dad jeans give you "mom" butt.  
keep 'em off yours

do you find middle-aged saggy asses to be a turn-on?  neither do women.  find a pair that fit your rear and oh, i don't know, get to know your tailor.

don't cinch them into your waist with your belt.

...and for crying out loud, don't tuck your shirt into them. it doesn't enhance your figure, and you're not at the office.

beware the hair gel helmet

it's not sexy.  and you're not performing in a rendition of grease.

we like to run our fingers through your hair, too.  don't make your 'do a viable weapon or protective shield.





cargo = "no-no"

unless you're going on a safari or entering into combat, stick with the original two-pocket pantalones.

think of this as the man-version of too many ruffles.  less is more.

boobs and dresses are for girls

you have no excuse to wear a shirt that's too tight.  you like boobs, we don't like to see yours through your shirt.  leave the tiny t's for little boys.

shirt too big?  don't you dare.  this other extreme also leads us to associate you with a little boy.  we're not pedophiles, and we're not your mother.  if you want to get laid, let us know you're a man who can dress himself.  the shoulder hem belongs on your shoulders, not at your elbows.

shortfalls of the too-short-tie

we may not be pros at tying 'em, but we know how they're supposed to look.

we are not blind, we are judgemental, and we will make the association of, ahem, length.

try to make 'em hit your belt, boys.








with all of these "no-no" situations, what's a man to wear?  how about some flat-front khakis with a polo shirt?  tailored jeans with a t-shirt that fits?  even better...nothing at all.

you'll thank me later.  and we'll thank you in the bedroom.