mysterious panty debacle

so, i promised i'd share a wonderfully humiliating story before the week was out.  little did i know that i would have the glorious opportunity of a wonderfully humiliating/awkward experience shortly after posting!

having already shared this tale with a few of my close friends, i repeatedly heard, "these things only happen to you - and all of the time!"

why?  i don't know.  but it's a damn good thing i can laugh at myself.

let me set the scene...

it's mid-week on a work day, and i'm in the office.  i'm wearing a black crochet/lace dress (perhaps these are bad luck?  see earlier posts) that hits just above the knee.

walking down the hall of our office suite, i get this sensation that something is missing.

something just.feels.wrong.

having now learned from previous experience, i check my dress to ensure the hem (and lining) is down where it belongs.  check.  zipper zipped?  good to go there. 

the dress is boat-neck style, so there's no worry over boobie-baring.  hmmmm.... 

i just can't put my finger on it, and then:

wtf.  my underwear disappeared!

i'm NOT kidding.  i had absolutely put a thong on that morning, distinctly remember having seen it throughout my many bathroom trips earlier in the day, and it was definitely NOT there. 

that "wrong" feeling was the definitive lack of anything between my V and the floor.  a little too much ventilation down there.

and so i silently freak out.  if it's not underneath my dress, then where the hell IS it?  did it just fall off of me without my realizing it?  it's not like my ass absorbed it...(i wiggle a little, just to make sure)

i start roaming around my office, scanning the floor and trying to do so in a nonchalant manner...it's not like i want to admit to someone that i'm looking for my panties.

but i can't find them anywhere!

i look under my desk - literally crawl down there to make sure they didn't somehow miraculously twist off of me while sitting indian-style.  nope.

i look in the break room to make sure that, while focused on obtaining a diet coke, i didn't somehow ignore the fact that my thong was slipping down my legs.  it wasn't there.

i went to the ladies room to make sure that i hadn't, somehow, left them on the floor...???  they weren't there. 

my heart beating hard, a worst-case scenario played in my head....that our office manager may have found them and was holding them hostage waiting for someone (clearly me) to come up and claim their panties. 

everyone would find out!  and this was an OLD thong...not even one that i could be proud of!

at my wits end, i checked the last place i could think to look...up my dress.  waaaaay up there.

hiding behind my office door, up went my hand...nothing to the left...nothing to the right...for shits and giggles, i reached a little higher, all the way up to my effin' rib cage...and there it was.

somehow, the skinny part of the thong (aka, the crotch) had SNAPPED (my pup chewing on my panties too much?) and left me with merely a BELT...which had hiked its way up my abdomen.

NOW what?

i just tried to make the best of it. 

i removed the little panty belt, hid it in the bottom of my trashbin, and for the rest of the workday was totally free-ballin' it (or whatever that's called for those of us sans-balls).

i never realized just how important it could be to sit like a lady.

how do these things happen to me??