naked

i woke up yesterday at 7:35am.  which wouldn't have been a problem.  if it hadn't been a monday.

damn.

realizing too late that i'd set my alarm for p.m. rather than a.m., i shot up in bed home-alone style and yelled "i did it again!" (unfortunately, something similar had happened the week prior - don't worry, made it to work on time).



jumping out of bed, i hit the shower and was squeaky clean, blow-dried, and deodorant-ed in 15 minutes flat.  i snagged my gym bag, my purse, my keys, and peeled out of the driveway headed for the office.

i was only 4 minutes late.

it wasn't until i went to put my make-up on in the bathroom that i noticed how blurry everything looked.  squinting toward the mirror, it hit me: i had remembered everything.  except my glasses.

crap.

i first decided to wear glasses when i needed to see long-distance.  projectors, movies, sports events (not that i watch much of them), etc.  clear vision is also helpful when i'm behind the wheel (if only glasses would alert me of stationary objects behind my car...).

i used to opt for contacts, my vain self unable to stomach covering part of my face with metal and glass.  but i'm lazy.  which prompted me to learn the truth: glasses are the perfect, potentially stylish, accessory.

like a statement belt, glasses say something about who you are.  they can make you look more mature, more alert, more professional, and are also a perfect means of hiding sleepy eyes.  upon my first quest for some sexy glasses, i was asked, "what do you want your glasses to say about you?"  i compared my ideal eyewear with a sexy pair of heels, otherwise known as "come fuck me" (cfm) shoes.  i indicated i'd like a pair of cfm glasses.

(note: this does not mean i was whoring myself around.  but it doesn't hurt to flirt, right?)

thus began my love affair with glasses.  i wear them every day, and currently have a few pair that i switch out depending upon my mood.

unfortunately, and for the first time...maybe ever?...i forgot something that may, in all honesty, have been more important than remembering to wear underwear.  i left the house semi-blind, and worse:

i was naked faced.

before i wore glasses, i experienced what it felt like to the onlooker.  the uncomfortable viewer of the face nakedness.

when you're so used to seeing someone with accessories on their face, they look abnormal and somewhat incomplete without them.  their eyes look smaller.  their head shape looks different.  they look much, much more plain.

and exposed!

leaving the office restroom with make-up complete and normal hair (pretty baller for 15 minutes), i considered that perhaps no one would notice.  no big deal, perhaps think i'd done my hair differently if they picked up any change at all.

no such luck.

my ceo walked in and immediately yelled, "where's your goggles!?"  i shrugged it off, chatting with him briefly while he attended to a few items, but i definitely noticed lengthier-than-usual ganders at my face.  and i knew what he was thinking.

"her face looks uncomfortably naked."

it was noted at the grocery store.  by my usual fedex man.  it was even incorporated into the greeting i received at the gym that afternoon.

when i imagine myself, the glasses are negligible.  sometimes they're there, sometimes they're not, but i know what my face looks like.

have i worn glasses for so long that, without them, i am unrecognizable?  has my accessory taken me over?

and so i ponder.  do i re-route myself and opt for contacts, facing the world with a naked face until they get used to it sans-accessory?  or do i continue on in my love affair, picking up sexy specs to further suit my moods.  do i let the glasses do the talking?

or the final, preferred alternative: maybe i should just talk More.

(world, beware!)

sticky situation

let's set the scene.  i'm sitting in bed, light is on, glasses are on, gum in my mouth, book in hand.  i'm reading.  until i'm not.

i wake up at 6:30am to my alarm, and dazedly look around me.  the light is still on.  my glasses somehow ended up on the floor.  there's a book beside my face, a book imprint on my left cheek, and i figure: i must have totally passed out last night while reading.  not entirely abnormal.

i start to sit up and then i realize: my left arm isn't wanting to pull away from the sheets.  we're not talkin' sleepy resistance to movement here.  it was actually stuck.  with my effing gum from the night before.

shit.

i maneuver myself into a position where i can slowly pull my forearm from the sheet, effectively halving the chunk of gum that had been connecting me to the bed.  and it hurts.  when i finally separate myself from the bed, there is a quarter-sized clump of the gooey crap on the bed, and the rest remains on my forearm.  not the way i want to start my day.

the way i figure, a clump of gum on the arm isn't just inconvenient - it's just not workplace appropriate.  so i begin to scheme as to how to remove the glob.

a hot shower is my first attempt.  lots of soap, lots of loofah.  no luck.  if anything, i only succeeded in spreading the glob into a larger, more abnormally shaped patch still connecting and interwoven with my little amy arm hairs.

lost the first battle.  determined to win the war.

as i continue to get ready for work, i stick toilet paper to the sticky mess.  if i tear it off, it'll come - like a bandaid, right?  wrong.  instead, i have a glob of gum plus remnants of toilet paper stuck to my arm.  defeat #2.  but i'm not giving up.

i complete the morning routine, readying myself for work, and hop into the car.  toilet-paper + gum mess still on my arm.  i had searched my home for something my childhood might indicate would work for such debacles.  don't own peanut butter (i only eat it when splurging, and only then when it's in the form of pb plus chocolate).  don't have time for ice.  vaseline, perhaps?  it goes into the purse.

i enter the office and try to stealthily hide my forearm from office folk.  popping into offices for the morning "hello", forearm discreetly located behind my back.  once i'm safely in my office, the vaseline comes out of purse hiding and i apply a generous amount to the forearm.  and then i wait.

i check my email.  i make my oatmeal.  i fill up my water bottle.  i let the gum marinate in the greasy goop.

and then it's time.  and i start tearing.  and it hurts!

by the time i'm done, i have effectively "waxed" ("gummed") a huge area on my forearm.  i have an appendage bald spot.

note: this is not my suggestion as to a unique new hair removal method.

i am maimed, but i have won the war.  i have defeated the evil bedtime gum monster.

now, if only i could figure out how to get the crap off of my sheets...

that lovin' feeling

no, i'm not referring to love of other human beings.  although, we know i'm pretty big on that.

i'm talking about love of yourself.  of your hot bod.  and about how the way you feel about yourself as a whole impacts the way you view said hot bod.

i attended a networking and educational seminar yesterday and it reminded me of several things.  

the first - don't plan to eat healthy at business outings where the meal is planned for you.  stromboli isn't necessarily high on my list of fav lunch items.  

next - even if you eat stromboli (or anything else that's not particularly figure-friendly) for the occasional splurge, you're not going to wake up in the morning having gained 50 pounds.  (if you do, please consult your physician immediately - something is terribly wrong with you)

finally - don't believe everything you hear.

the message of the day was, "measure what matters - what you measure will improve".  i'm not saying i don't trust this speaker.  he is a highly intelligent businessman who has used this line of thinking to find success in the workplace.  what i didn't buy into was his suggestion that it can also be implemented in your every day life.  he used a specific example regarding weight.

the speaker suggested that, by weighing yourself frequently (a la the dreaded bathroom scale), you're bound to lose more weight on a diet than if you're not weighing yourself.  that measuring, in this instance, matters.

i'm not saying that measuring doesn't matter when you're dieting.  i think it's good to keep tabs on how you're growing or shrinking.  but i think there are healthier ways to go about it that do not include a bathroom scale.  my favorite method: do i still fit into my clothes?  if the answer is yes...we're lookin' good.  if the answer is no, put in some extra effort.

the number on the scale only tells you how much you weigh.  period.  it doesn't reflect the difference between your actual body mass versus water you may be retaining (did you consume low-sodium protein all day or were you a carby salt fiend for the day?), or the lean muscle versus fat that may be contributing to that number on the scale.  honestly, it doesn't tell you much of anything, but it can make you feel a whole lot of awful.

measuring caloric intake, body fat, and calorie expenditure is a good idea.  it helps you to figure out what's actually going on inside that hot bod of yours.  but submitting yourself to the torture of the scale is, in my humble (not) opinion, a source of undue stress and emotional strain.  don't do it.  (for more info on body fat and healthy measurements, click here)

i used to weigh myself every day.  sometimes multiple times a day.  at this point in time, i think we all realize that our weight will fluctuate throughout a 24 hour period.  lower in the morning, higher after meals, you never really know what you're going to get.  personal scales vary from the scales at the doctor's office, and those scales will vary from the scale at the gym.  they're unreliable.  so stay the heck away.

in my experience, "gaining" a few pounds on the scale threw me into a frenzy.  i worried about what i'd been eating, my activity level, and hid myself from the public until i found something to hide my "fat".  two hours later, a pee or two, and i'm back to normal.  was it really worth the fuss?

i started working out and lifting heavier weights.  weight goes up.  does this indicate i'm getting fatter?  no ma'am.  it indicates i'm gaining muscle mass.  so chill the fuck out.

i threw the damn thing away a few years back.  the scale, that is.  i literally tossed it in the dumpster and didn't shed a tear.  i now ask medical providers not to provide me with my weight, and instead prefer to measure myself based on what my favorite jeans tell me.  or my belts.  or my boyfriend (although, we know lovers are just about as unreliable as scales...).

warning: you can't even trust yourself.  

that's right, i said it.  the way you feel about yourself is absolutely not an indicator of your physique.  just because you feel "fat" doesn't mean you're heavier.  if i'm having a bad day, i often times allow those feelings to eff up my self-perception, and i feel fat.  bad hair days somehow often turn into "fat" days.  sleepy days miraculously transform into "fat" days.  stressed about work days often morph into "fat" days.  what a waste of time!  i throw on my favorite jeans, and what do they tell me?  "amy dear, you're doin' just fine."  trust the jeans.  do not trust yourself.

if you ask friends or family to tell you if you look heavier, what do you expect them to say?  of course they'll tell you they can't tell a difference, that you look great.  and maybe you do.  but are you actually going to trust them?

if you're worried about your size, drop the concern for (a) what others see and (b) what the scale tells you.  try the jeans theory.  you won't be disappointed.

(and fyi - even if you gain 5-10, the majority of the world won't even NOTICE.  so relax.  you're hot.)

results, dahling

hoor-ah!  we have our results, and i couldn't be more pumped.

you may think i'm a little screwy for being interested in the survey topics (you may be correct) and you may have opted out because you didn't feel like answering ten questions (step up!).  regardless, there are certain commonalities in our lives that i wanted to pick out...such as, how many hours do you actually spend doing work-related items while at work.  are you going to answer that honestly if everyone knows who you are?  probably not.  are you going to admit to having had a work fling?  could go either way.  but it sure does make other people feel better when they see that other folks are in the same boat.

so!  without further delay, here is a summary of the survey results:

1. how many hours do you actually spend doing work during a typical workday? (be honest)
i asked this question because i, clearly, do not spend every minute of my typical 9 hours in the office working on work-related items.  i bounce back and forth, allowing myself short mind breaks.  for those superhuman folk, you have no problem maintaining a laser-focus throughout the day.  i salute you.  i sure as heck am not one of you.

here's what we got...

4-6 hours: 20%
5-6 hours: 10%
6-7 hours: 10%
7-8 hours: 30%
8+ hours: 30%

for those of you in the 8+ realm...i hope you enjoy your chosen profession!  which brings me to the following...

2. how satisfied are you in your current job?
this question is more significant than you might originally give it credit for.  i am currently pretty darn satisfied with my job.  i love sales.  i love people.  i love having decorating authority over my own office space and a door to close when i feel like it.  if only paperwork weren't involved...

we spend at least 8 hours a day at work.  i don't know how many hours you sleep at night, but if you do the math we're spending a huge amount of our lives in the office.  if you hate what you're doing, you may hate your life.  and that's just unfortunate.  yes, we're young and we need to put in our time.  but our current level of job satisfaction is still relevant to our overall happiness, and this period in our lives is no time to waste.

here's what we have for job satisfaction:

extremely: 30%
satisfied enough: 30%
so-so: 30%
i hate it: 10%

i'd say we're doin' alright, minus that 10%.  hopefully the "i hate its" are just putting in their time until they can leap into the "extremely satisfied" category.  otherwise...did you hear theladders.com are now accepting applications for all career levels?

on to the next, the scandalous, numero tres...


3. admit it...have you ever had a workplace fling?
here's my honest response: no, i have never had an official workplace fling.  but have i dated folks i bumped into in the working world of conferences and business trips?  you better believe it!  while i wouldn't go suggesting you hop into one of those industry-cestuous relationships, they are fun ways to pass time until mr or ms right comes along.

something to note: no one said they did it and loved it.  keeping that in mind, here's what you said:

yes, and it sucked: 20%
no, but i would!: 40%
no, and i would never: 40%

now, on to a more serious topic.  love and life.  good thing it's anonymous, because if you answered in the negative for this one, your significant other may kick your ass.

4. do you think it's possible to love and be with only one romantic partner for your adult life, after you've become monogamous?
call me naive, but i think this is absolutely possible.  i base this not on the majority of marital examples (wedded bliss is not the trend these days) but on the select few that i have seen and covet for myself.  for those of you who are more cynical, you need not explain.  we can just look in entertainment headlines for justification.

here's what you said...

absolutely: 90%
probably not: 10%

...is there hope for us after all?  let's keep our fingers crossed.

i wanted to get into some specifics regarding attractive qualities (and the less attractive qualities) of the opposite sex.  what do we love, and what are the non-negotiables?  what do we define as deal-breakers?

i'm going to summarize the next few questions (5, 6, and 7) below...

most attractive attributes of the opposite sex...
in the gents:
sense of humor, ability to communicate (and use grammar and punctuation correctly!), empathy, a nice set of shoulders or calves, toned arms, strong jaw, honesty, loyalty, intelligence, humility, professionalism, good set of friends, refinement, appreciation of quality time, physical fitness, thoughtfulness, confidence, creativity, and motivation.


what would you change? listening skills, and nothing!  our ladies seem to like our dudes just the way they are.  which is different from us.


in the ladies:
pretty hair, nice boobs & bum, physical fitness, confidence, intelligence, and a sense of humor.


what would you change? periods.  enough said.


DEAL BREAKERS (for both): picky eating, lack of curiosity about the world around them, bad teeth, laziness, smoking, no effort to make their own money, lying, cheating, and lack of time for a significant other

it seems the gentlemen have a shorter list of preferences than the ladies...i'm somehow not shocked :)  as far as the ladies were concerned, the most common preferences were shoulders, calves, and intelligence.  intelligence was #1.  and i'm right in there with the pack preferring some sexy brain matter in my man.

it's time now to deal with the controversial living situation: to live, or not to live, in sin?  i'm absolutely amongst those that do and am happy i chose to do so, but i'm not so naive to believe there aren't potential negatives associated with premarital cohabitation.

here's what i asked:
8. if you do or have lived in sin (lived with a bf/gf before marriage), what do you think the highlights are? what are the negative aspects?


...and here are some of my favorite, honest, and thoughtful answers:

• i've done it, but don't think it's a good idea.  i don't want to give the milk for free!
• highlights are living with someone you love...negatives are the social stigmas that still exist- especially amongst the older generations
• highlights: you get to know someone and your compatibility with them before committing.  negatives: too easy to walk away if there isn't a ring
• highlights: getting to know someone on a very personal level. negative aspect: may reduce their speed in proposal.
• highlights: intimacy, benefits of a roommate (companionship, shared and saved costs, cooking for two) with the solo-living benefit of still owning all of your own things, ability to build a home together.  negatives: non-life-long-commitments/semi-commitment, building a home together when you may not end up together aka fucking miserable if you break up, ease of time together that is often not quality time and hinders planning of quality time together
• highlights: decreased expenses, conveniences in spending time together, always have a cuddle buddy, getting to know someone really well (are you going to live happily or kill each other?) before lifelong commitment.  negative aspects: can be confused for true commitment and therefore delay a proposal

amy's thoughts: i see some patterns here.  keep in mind, i'm living in sin and not yet engaged.  hmm...(i'd still  make the same decision all over again)

and ON to number 9, which happens to be my favorite.  not because i think everyone is going to say, "amy is my one and only best friend."  in fact, some of you may not even consider me a friend!  my thoughts on this one: how often do you have the opportunity to really figure out what type of friendships other adults have?  let's face it.  it's not as easy to make friends as an adult as it was when we were kids.  you have to work to initiate them, you have to work to maintain them, and your parents aren't going to call their parents if they're mean to you.

9. do you have one BEST friend? ...if so, how do you know they're the best? ...if not, do you think it's possible? ...do you have more than one best friend?

i often wonder whether my friends are just way better at this than me.  while i'm hanging out with a few of my closest girlfriends and then a wide net of fun acquaintances, are they constantly surrounded by bosom-buddies and bffs?  i'm also curious about the general adult population.  do we stick with one best friend, do we surround ourselves with more distanced "acquaintance-friends", or is it more common to keep a few close buds and slowly expand your circle as opportunities arise?

so i asked.  and here's what you said:

• this is a tricky question. i have one best friend, and i know that they are best because i know that i can confide anything in them - good or bad - and they'll still love me. it's about a level of trust and comfort. my other friends are similar, but i don't let them in as much or as completely.
• YES! always there for each other, no matter what.
• I have few friends that mean the very most to me. They don't know each other and they probably wouldn't be best friends....is that odd?
• I have more than one best friend, and I don't think I could have it any other way.
• I have two best friends whom I feel I can tell ANYTHING. I consider my mom and dad best friends, and know that they will love me forever (and I them), but I self-censor, and while I COULD share the things that I share with my two best friends, I do not because I don't want to share the nitty-gritty with them. I have a third friend whom I have not known as long but is every day becoming a life-long best friend of the caliber of the two mentioned above. I love, trust and respect all five of these best friends. I want to know what's happening in their lives, what they think and how they feel about it. I value what they think and feel about what's happening in my life, and they want to know. I do think it's possible to have one best friend (and at a time, when in a serious relationship, I did). That said, I am extremely grateful to have the love, trust and respect of five best friends, and I enjoy giving it back (but not from the back...never tried, because I lack the "giving" equipment) ;)
• no. i have more than one best friend. they care about me, ask about me, share with me, and i care about them and their opinions.

this was my favorite.  my favorite answer to my favorite question?  well, it ended something like this..."because i lack the "giving" equipment) ;)."  definite chuckle-inducer.


this last one was just a personal curiosity of mine.  we're getting to the point in our lives where we're accumulating money (or will eventually) and have options as to how we're going to spend it.  based upon what i saw from my parents, the 80s and 90s were a time of "bigger is better" in the housing department.  every move meant an upgrade and increased square footage.  to the point at which we could each be in a different room watching television and have no idea that anyone else was in the house.  


that's not really my style.


10.  would you rather have...


i made the assumption that folks these days appreciate travel.  yes, we enjoy roofs over our heads.  but do we want the biggest roof possible, watching national geographic for extra-cultural pseudo-traveling experiences, or do we want something easy to maintain that will allow for us to get out asses out the door and into the world?


my preference: one small house, plenty of travel $$.  here's what you said:


one small home, one vacation home: 20%
one small home and use extra $$ for travel: 70%
no home and use all $$ for shopping and travel: 10%


i'm proud of us :)  and i'm assuming that last group (no home) either enjoys camping or has a romance with rentals.


and there we have it .  the results from my first official amy's brain output survey...because i wanted some of your brain output.


thank you for sharing!  feel free to judge.

all about you

i realized that with all of this talking, typing, and sharing about myself, i know very little about the folks who take the time to peruse my brain output.  and i want to know more!

this sucker is all about you.  so don't be an asshole.  take my survey (link below).

i'm going to be stubborn on this one.  i refuse to post anything else until i get at least 10 responses.  but here's the good part:

i'm going to post the results on my next blog post, so everyone can see what's going on and what the opinions are of everyone else.  super fun, right?  i think so...

don't worry, when you answer it's anonymous, i just want to get some general feedback so i can (a) compare you to myself, (b) compare you to each other (i still will have no idea who answered what), and (c) share some interesting feedback with you!

here's the link...take the survey!

camillagate

so, i have a new temporary obsession.  and it's camillagate.

for some reason princess diana popped into my head during lunch this afternoon, so i decided to pull some articles on her.  which lead me to the affair between prince charles and camilla.  which lead me to the term "camillagate" (which i love).  which then informed me that, in fact, a 6 minute tape had been released exposing an intimate bed time conversation between charles and camilla that made it clear the two were having an affair.

around the time of all this, i was a little girl and i'm pretty sure my parents weren't going to keep me posted on the sexy-scandalous details of the royal break-up...or even make me aware of what an affair was.

at this point in time, the internet is my friend.  and i was fortunate enough to find the text of the telephone conversation.


...this picture will make more sense once you read further.  so, read further.

to anyone interested, the full text can be found here: camillagate tape

my favorite part...

Charles: Anyway you know that's the sort of thing one has to beware of. And
         sort of feel one's way along with - if you know what I mean.

Camilla: Mmmm. You're awfully good feeling your way along.

Charles: Oh Stop! I want to feel my way along you, all over you and up and
         down you and in and out...

Camilla: Oh!

Charles: Particularly in and out!

Camilla: Oh. that's just what I need at the moment.

Charles: Is it?

At this point the scanner enthusiast speaks over the couple to record the 
date

Scanner Enthusiast: December 18th

Camilla: I know it would revive me. I can't bear a Sunday night without you.

Charles: Oh, God.

Camilla: It's like that programme Start the Week. I can't start the week without you.

Charles: I fill up your tank!

Camilla: Yes, you do

Charles: Then you can cope.

Camilla: Then I'm all right

Charles: What about me? The trouble is I need you several times a week.

Camilla: Mmmm, so do I. I need you all the week. All the time.

Charles: Oh. God. I'll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be
         much easier!

Camilla: (laughing) "what are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers?

Both laugh

Camilla: Oh, You're your'e going to come back as a pair of knickers.

Charles: Or, God forbid a Tampax. Just my luck! (Laughs)

Camilla: You are a complete idiot (Laughs) Oh, what a wonderful idea.

Charles: My luck to be chucked down the lavatory and go on and on forever
         swirling round on the top, never going down.

Camilla: (Laughing) Oh, Darling!

Charles: Until the next one comes through.

Camilla:  Oh, perhaps you could come back as a box.

Charles: What sort of box?

Camilla: A box of Tampax, so you could just keep going.

Charles: That's true.

Camilla: Repeating yourself...(Laughing) Oh, darling I just want you now.

what do you remember about this point in time?  what are your thoughts on camilla?

brainers

that's right, brainers.  left brainer or right brainer, that's what i'm pondering this morning.

i was reading an article on realsimple.com entitled "organizing for your personality" and it got me thinking...i'm a stacker, a list-maker, and a squirreller (aka, i shove things out of sight so that they don't kill the aesthetics of surfaces...but often wind up forgetting where items have been hidden away...woops!).  i like visual order, but don't care if closets and drawers are stuffed without order.

i go on random tirades during which i'll toss everything out of storage and put it back in perfect order.  this lasts about two days until my good intentions go to the wayside and my toothbrush somehow winds up in my bra drawer.  don't ask me why.

my boyfriend, on the other hand, is incredibly organized.  batteries are found in the one drawer designated for batteries, camera items are stored in their original casing and carefully tucked in their designated spot.  he even folds his underwear.

we sometimes drive each other crazy.  he displays his documents, etc. all over the countertops.  he knows where they are, he knows why they're there, and he likes it that way.

all i see is clutter.

i come swooping through the kitchen and make piles of his items.  stacking, shuffling, and then...stuffing somewhere out of sight.

it is said that your handedness determines which side of the brain you predominantly use.  that it determines your level of creativity or rationality, your strengths and your weaknesses.  apparently, it even goes so far as to potentially determine your organizational style.

i'm a lefty.  the boyfriend is a righty.  this would suggest that while i'm a right brainer, he is a left brainer.

but is this really true?

i checked out their list which is supposedly helpful in determining which side of the brain you use, and therefore your style of organization.  here it is (i have bolded those that i relate to)


1. When I'm finished using an item, I put it away immediately.
2. I love being surrounded by vibrant colors.
3. Whether I'm looking at a work of art or a room, I tend to prefer symmetrical design.
4. I like to move around my furniture a few times a year rather than stick with the same arrangement.
5. I'm the go-to party planner for friends and family.
6. Keeping current projects where I can see them is a must.
7. I love having a designated spot for each item in my closet or drawers.
8. On my computer, I often have multiple windows open at once.
9. I have a specific morning routine that I always follow to a T.
10. When making major purchases, I usually follow my instincts rather than do research.
11. I often wear the same jewelry every day.
12. If I have to explain directions to someone, I'll draw her a map instead of telling her verbally.
13. When I find a great dish at a restaurant, I order it every time I go there.
14. I often drive with the Empty light flashing.
15. I always bring a shopping list to the grocery store.
16. I have a lot of knickknacks around the house.
17. My books and CDs are in order, so I can always find what I'm looking for.
18. My desk is filled with piles of papers, sticky notes, and business cards.
19. I feel guilty if I don't follow the rules while playing board games.
20. I'm fine with other people making last-minute changes to plans.

i came up with 4 even, 5 odd.  supposedly, if you chose more odd numbers than even, you are a left brainer.  if you've chosen more even numbers than odd, you're a right brainer.

organizational description of left brainer:
You tend to crave designated locations for everything. Because you like to sort, options with compartments can be especially satisfying. Left-leaners often prefer to keep things out of sight, so boxes that stack nicely in drawers or closets are appealing. Categorizing by date or event comes naturally, and multiples of identical storage options (say, matched photo albums) feed your urge for extreme order.


organizational description of right brainer:
Forget about trying to adhere to strict rules. Your keep-it-neat plan should capitalize on your pull toward the creative and the emotional. Containers you already own and love can be motivating. Investigate your clutter patterns: Do you drop your necklace on the bathroom counter when you're getting ready for bed? Maybe you need a wall hook by the sink to catch jewelry. If it works for you, it's correct.

my results above would indicate that i am a left brainer, yet this contradicts my left handedness.  am i a rare contradiction, either a superhuman both-sides brainer, or a neither-side-is-superfunctional-brainer?

either the above list is effed up, or i am.  what are your results?

boundaries

i like to talk about everything.  discuss everything.  analyze everything.  ponder everything.  and share everything.

...well, maybe not everything.

i generally consider myself to be an open book, but have recently discovered that i do, indeed, have some boundaries.  and so this has lead me to explore exactly where these boundaries lay, and how to look for them.

of course, when it comes to close friends and confidants, these boundaries are much broader and perhaps nearing the full circumference of what i even have to share.  but for others, lesser acquaintances, colleagues, friends of friends, my boundaries may create a tighter fence on information i'd prefer to keep closer to my chest.  only between me and my loved ones.

this information may include things i did wrong, ways in which others have wronged me, my disappointments, heartaches, friend and family secrets, silly stories and random opinions.  each piece of information is coded in my brain with certain access allowed only to specific sets of individuals.

when it comes to what's tickin' upstairs in amy land, you may think you know...but you have no idea.

(i'm sure it's the same for each of you)

here's an example.  a good friend of mine had surgery, and i was way too caught up in my own world to remember to be there for her, to support her.  she was disappointed in me, her feelings were hurt, and she was upset.  it was an issue at that point in our friendship.

did i want her to tell everyone else, vent her frustration and then let me be the last to know?  did i want the world to know that i had pulled a shitty-friend move?  no.  no way.  i wanted to be the first to know, so that i could fix my mistake.  a mistake i had never intentionally made...but clearly never made the effort to avoid, either.

my friend, being the wonderful woman that she is, came to me.  she let me know how she felt, we worked it out, and i definitely learned my lesson.  the rest of the world didn't need to know.

another example.  my boyfriend does something that really hurts my feelings.  he doesn't think about it, probably doesn't even realize it, but i'm stewing inside.  do i, when acquaintances ask, "how are you?", admit the truth..."super pissed at my boyfriend."  or, do i glaze over the issue and take it up directly with the man himself?  sure, i might vent to a close girlfriend.  but i would do so only in an environment in which i knew i was speaking to someone who knew my boyfriend well enough to understand that there is much more to him than this one mistake.  i would do so in search of wisdom and suggestions as to how to best handle the situation without going overboard.  i would do it with good and thoughtful intentions.

people not involved have no need to know, and it only complicates things when they're pulled into "the know" realm.  not necessary.

i suppose what i'm getting at is the concept of airing dirty laundry.  there are certain areas in everyone's life that the rest of the world just doesn't need to know.  if someone doesn't know you, doesn't know the people involved in an undesirable situation (aka, they don't care about them), they don't need to know and probably don't really give a damn.  they may pull snippets from what they hear and make judgments of the persons involved, not giving them credit as the well-rounded individuals they are.

sure, i'll talk about poop.  that's entirely my business and if someone gets a laugh or a gasp out of it, awesome.  not hurting anybody.  i'll talk about embarrassing situations in which i am the only victim.  and i'll talk to my close friends about things hurting my heart.

i do draw the line, though.  specifically when it has the potential to hurt someone.  it could be friends, it could be family, it could even be the people i'm talking to.  my boundaries exist so that i do no harm, and so that others will do no harm to me.  the fence blocks from either side.

you may not see my line, because i don't let you cross it.  i tell you only what i deem appropriate for you to have access to.  but i have a line.  i have boundaries.  and i bet you do, too.

talk to me

i'm talkin' to you.  yes, you who are reading my blog.  i want to know about you, and i want to know what you want to know about me...or at least hear me ramble-rant about.  

take my survey (<--click here) and help a girl out...

xo - aQ

in your mouth

i believed for years that my mother had never, ever, given a blowjob.  21 years, in fact.  i feared the dreaded "p" and prayed i would never have to have such a close encounter of the oral kind.

if mom never had to, why should i?

i was terrified, but less so as i assumed i could maneuver toward my mother's success with manageable ease.

until my world was shattered, and i learned the truth.  mom had lied (we're very close).

gone were the images of blissful avoidance and prudishness.  i saw my future in an entirely new light.

honestly, it wasn't the end of the world.  amy grew up, and with age came a certain appreciation for all that men have to offer.  what had previously seemed terrifying grew less so, and i became a big girl.

the fear eventually disappeared completely.

until yesterday.

(ladies, your men are going to hate me)

i happened upon this article (<-- click here) describing the root cause of an increasing rate of oral cancers found in women.  here is an excerpt that speaks for itself...

The study found that the number of cases of oropharyngeal cancer - cancers of the tonsil, back of the mouth (throat) and base of the tongue - has been on the rise since the mid-1980s.  The study suggests that one reason could an increase in the number of people having oral sex resulting in oral human papillomavirus  exposure.

Researchers say these cancers fall into two categories–those caused by tobacco and alcohol and those caused by the sexually transmitted virus, HPV. They now believe approximately 70% of all oropharyngeal cancers are caused by HPV infection. (cnn.com)

the horror!  what may have previously seemed as a good deed to loving partners and single ladies everywhere may now be a means to our untimely end.  forget about keeping away from cigs.  keep away from the "p"!

i am currently consulting with medical friends (you are welcome to comment) requesting their input and suggestions.  i am sure there are safety measures that can be taken in order to protect our pretty pouts, but until i hear otherwise:

my lips are sealed.

lusting after fall

the leaves are just starting to scatter through the doorways.  the sky is blue (or grey) and the air is crisp.  i can legit walk around the house wrapped in a blanket and not look like an out-of-season fool.  

i am officially lusting after fall.

it's fireplace weather.  it's cuddle-on-the couch to stay warm weather.  it's the season of pants, comfy sweaters, and scarves.  it's an excuse to layer on all of my favorite items because i effing can.  

it's red wine weather.  it's soup weather.  it's don't-have-to-shave-your-legs as often weather (unless you want to get laid).

i can put silly coats and sweaters on my pup.  i can put silly coats and sweaters on my boyfriend.  i can put silly seasonal ornaments all over my damn house.  baby, it's the season.

this is the time of year that pulls me through.  the looming holidays and vacation time.  the easy excuses for parties and gifts.  my excitement starts on january 2, but it really ignites as soon as fall comes.

bring on the seasonal brews.  toss me a throw blanket.  let's curl up and get tipsy.

it's huddle time.  it's cuddle time.  it's less-pressure-to-be-productive time.  aaah...

i think my sex drive goes up when the temperature goes down.  my anxiety decreases and my excitement increases.  my bank account dwindles and my gift-giving accelerates.  

i'm a happy girl.

what they say about you

i've been thinking a lot lately about friends.  not about how many you have, what they look like, or whether or not you or i could live without them (we couldn't).

but how do they reflect on us?  to what degree do the people we associate with say something about who we are, and to what degree should it?

i think that who someone chooses as their closest friends says a LOT about who they are.  personal opinion (which is, obvi, correct).



just like who you choose as a romantic/life partner says something about who you are, so does the selection you make in who to surround yourself with.  who to confide in.  who you relate with, have fun with, and with whom you are seen out in public.

i'm not going to lie.  there are a few folks in my life of whose behavior i am not a super-fan.  would i want my friendship with these individuals to be my overall representation?  no ma'am.  but i absolutely believe that, taken as a whole, the friends i have chosen - and who have chosen me - are a pretty solid representation of my values, varied interests, and a reflection of how i think other people should be treated.

i am fucking proud of my friends, and super proud that they have chosen me to be part of the group that reflects on who they are.  that could be risky!

i have thought about this in depth.  i have little-to-no filter.  i go to the grocery store in gym clothes and no make-up.  i use the f-bomb with giddy joy and will make new folks uncomfortable at times with enthusiastic hugs.  i talk about poop, sex, and awkward hilarity without restraint.

do you really want to claim me as your friend?

to my great fortune, some exceptionally high-quality folks have done so, and i appreciate the risk they have taken.  i also realize this must mean i exhibit other redeeming qualities which tempt them to claim me as their own.  thank goodness.

my friends are intelligent.  my friends are thoughtful.  my friends are social, and socially developed enough to be able to throw them in with new people and let them dominate with ease.

these ladies are open.  these ladies are insightful.  my friends are wise, and fair, professional and fun.

i like to think this reflects well on me.  and i like to believe that i share some of the above qualities which i value so much in my buds.

our girls nights typically look a little like this:
invites sent in advance.  a location is decided (generally one of our houses) and ladies make an effort to contribute.  be it wine, be it appetizers, be it sweets (damn you) or whatever.  we chat, we laugh, we even sometimes cry.  we have fun, we connect, and we update each other on the intricate details of our lives.  we ask advice, we suggest wisdom, and we share stories.  we love on each other enough to keep us going until the next ladies night is planned.

and then we all help clean up.

the last time i had girlfriends to my house, i was once again impressed by the efficiency and ease with which they carry dishes to the sink and load the dishwasher, all while gracefully maintaining conversation.  there is no fuss, no scene made, only the selfless effort made to not leave me with an evening of cleaning after having hosted.  and i do the same when i'm at one of their homes.

we love each other, and we take care of each other.  i'll never take it for granted...and if i do, i deserve a bitch-slap.  from one of my favorite B's.

our circle is open to new faces.  new friends-of-friends, and new potential love interests.  we care about each other, and thus, care about those who our friends care about.  expanding the circle is welcome, even enjoyed.

i sometimes forget that my circle isn't always a mirror-image of others.

i've been in the situation where, brought into a social situation as the "new girl", i wasn't enveloped in welcome.  where tight-knit relationships didn't allow for additions.  where i was a third or fourth wheel in conversation, and that was clearly made known.

my friends have also found themselves in these situations.  feeling like outsiders.  taken for granted.  and there are few things that can piss me off more.

thinking about this, having recently been provided an example, i debate.  is it just that my friends are the ultimate shit, a rare find in a world of lesser-circles?  or have some of us just had the bad luck to happen upon a rotten patch of assholes?

for the sake of the world, i hope it's the latter.

but deep down:  i think my friends are the SHIT.  and i just got really, really lucky.