the ex factor

while we were cruisin', my boyfriend and i met an interesting couple.  let's call them frank and anya...because those are their actual names, and they're sincerely unlikely to be recognized by whomever is reading this post anyway.

frank is in business development and works in california.  he lives there, and has for a while now.  he has a great tan, is a bit robust, he's incredibly outgoing and likes to drink.

anya is originally from russia.  she has curly blonde hair, a fair complexion, is interested in opera and lives in manhattan as a consultant (my bf loved this).  she is intelligent, refined, and seems to enjoy chatting although doesn't generally initiate conversation.

we met these two in the dining room one evening while sitting at a table for two...which was immediately beside another table for two, occupied by this couple.  they seemed happy, we seemed happy, we ended up chatting and really hit it off.

of course, as soon as we begin to get to know them, i am analyzing them.  trying to figure this couple out.  i generally assume folks of that age range (they seemed to be in their early 40s) who are in a couple scenario are married.  not that i ought to, a significant number of mature adults are divorced or otherwise single.  but that's what i assume.  so i carried on from there.

no wedding bands.  they live in different cities.  they have very different personalities but clearly enjoy each other and seem to know each other well.

we learn that they flew into miami to meet up for this cruise.  anya had convinced frank it was the vacation they ought to do this year, as they frequently travel together and this was one experience they had not yet enjoyed.  i'm still analyzing.  trying to figure them out.  are they both busy professionals who met online, meeting up for great lovers getaways whenever they can find the time?  this was my original theory.

they cut to the chase, clearly understanding the neighboring couple (us) is going to begin this initial analysis: we were married for 10 years.  and now we're divorced.  no kids.  can't live together, but love to travel together.

what?  how often do you see that happen?

the kicker:  not only do they enjoy traveling together, it appears they still sleep together.  they were sharing a stateroom.  if i could have gleaned more intimate details, trust me, i would have.  i want to know if these exes are banging.

we met up with them a few times over the course of the cruise, for drinks, for kayaking, for a comedy show.  they were great, thought along the same lines, and didn't seem to hate each other after several days of living in the same tiny room together.  what's going on here?  what makes these exes able to bear being with one another?

i think of the divorced couples i know, those i know best.  my parents.  my boyfriends parents.  my friends parents.  none of these couples can stand to be with their previous mate.  divorce happened, bring on the war.  if the war is even over, the coals are still simmering.  and not in a sexy way.

i can't even get my parents to be in the same room together.  i cannot imagine seeing them share a room.

i like to think that divorce happens most often because couples were either not paired up correctly, or didn't communicate effectively while they were together.  lives drifted apart, resentment grew, and a large gap was developed between their hearts.

i pray that divorce never, ever happens to me, as i feel perfectly paired with my partner and know that we communicate exceptionally well.  i am confident that, if we move into the world of the marrieds, we'll keep this up and we will be successful.

but my theory doesn't work if i consider anya and frank.  they are clearly into each other.  they clearly love to spend time together and seem to communicate.  they didn't even have kids to distract them from each other.  what the heck happened?  if it can happen to them, couldn't it happen to anyone?

i noticed that frank and anya, at least from what i could see, seem to be genuinely happy.  they enjoy their own personal time, do what they want, live where they want, work as they like, and have a traveling companion or lover to keep them company when they need a vacation from their own self-designed life.  they're in the drivers seat, and they choose love when it's convenient for them.

is this the best-case scenario?  is this where the modern relationship is going?

i hope not.  but i'm happy i met them.