i make people uncomfortable

i fully embrace my close-knit relationship to other people as i realize that we are all experiencing the human condition together.  early on i realized that not everyone else lives in my world as secondary characters to my primary role.  i developed the ability to perceive myself in the world as one small member of a huge community of thinkers and feelers.  in fact, the individuals with whom i have the most issues are those who are unable to see themselves and others as such.  mine, yours, and other folks perspectives are only a fraction of reality.

as much as you may think you have nothing in common with someone, we all eat, we all sleep, we all experience financial and relationship challenges, we all have the same range of emotions, we all have opinions and we all crave acceptance to some degree.  there is no way you can tell me that you don't share something in common with anyone you come into contact with.

 it's true, and i am fully aware - i make people uncomfortable.  i care for and love people very quickly.  this results in my wanting to know what makes them "tick" - i get curious.  i wonder what they feel like when they first wake up in the morning.  do they feel content?  do they feel anxious?  do they feel like they're where they need and want to be?  i wonder what life smells like for them.  that's right, what it smells like.  is their home one of those that smells perpetually of food, or is theirs one of those that smells more like a furniture or antique store?  can they smell at all?  i wonder what things are weighing on their shoulders and their minds.  as someone walks through the grocery store, are they wondering whether or not they're picking up germs on the basket handle or are they distractedly roaming as they debate whether or not to change jobs?  are they feeling insecure and self-aware or are they wondering the same things about me as i pass by them?  when they go home, will they feel lonely or will they be surrounded by the people they care most about?  are they happy?

other people are our greatest resources in understanding more about ourselves.

and so i ask questions.  i question the girl at the check-out line, i engage my colleagues in thoughtful discussion, and you're really in for it if we're at a social outing.  if you're sitting across from me at dinner, there's no way you're gettin' outta there without me understanding (to the best of my ability), who and how you are.

most of my happiest experiences come from having connected with people.  the folks that don't hold back, that don't consider aspects of their lives to be "TMI" (i hate that trio of letters), that recognize the same-ness of our human experiences and realize there is nothing to fear in acknowledging it.

then there are those folks who shut me out, shut me down, and make me feel inappropriate.  i can let it roll off, but to be honest - i'm going to judge you.  you can kill the conversation, but you can't kill the curiosity.  the less you give me to work with, the more i'm going to analyze your behavior.

i've thought a lot about the folks that aren't open to sharing themselves conversationally, and i have reached some conclusions.  right or wrong, i've narrowed it down to a few possibilities...

my go-to assumption: you're socially immature.  you haven't yet realized that you're not the main character in a play of your life.  you view yourself as an island on which no boat shall dock.  you don't understand the connectedness of human beings or acknowledge that other people have the same needs and feelings that you do.  i say - grow up.

the alternative: you're hiding something.  you don't trust the direction in which this conversation will lead and fear that your shady side may be revealed to the wrong person.  i say - let it go.  i also warn you - now i'm really going to dig.

in trying to assess why my questions make people uncomfortable, i have also thought about the possibility that i put people in positions in which they don't know how to socially maneuver themselves.  they're unfamiliar with the situation i have placed them in and sometimes communicate their inability to navigate through aversion to conversation.  this isn't going to stop me - it's only going to make me want to allow you to practice more often.

i'm often asked "why do you even care?".  my retort: why Not care?  how can You not care?

to all of my friends and future friends that share their lives with me and share an interest in mine, i say: thank you.

to all those who think they've got some serious TMI, i dare you: try me.