i get by

...with a little help from my friends.

let's take some time to sit and think about just how incredibly important a role friends play in our lives.  they listen.  they ponder.  they put themselves in your shoes.  they care.  they have your best interests at heart.

it's easy to underestimate their influence and support when times are good and life's obstacles are teeny, but it's important to not forget about those jewels when the going is easy.  your true friends aren't just there for shopping companions, movie dates or poolside pals.  if that were the case, who would spend the time to develop a deep relationship?  you'd only need spunky acquaintances.

it is so important to make sure you actively let your friends know how much you appreciate them.

family and romantic partners are critical - without a doubt - but who's going to be there when the aforementioned folks have hurt you?  who's going to understand your internal conflicts when it comes to loving someone who is hurting you? 

i have found myself in the predicament, fairly recently, in which i could not have moved forward effectively without the terrific insight of my best friends.  loved ones don't intend to bring you pain, but they inevitably will, and they have in my case.  in my personal experience, this type of pain hits the deepest.  it clouds your perspective and leaves you in a state of befuddled frustration.

when i am hurt, my initial reaction is to protect myself.  be warned: this gut instinct is not always the best option.  protecting oneself often is expressed in anger, defensiveness, and results in hurting the person who's hurting you.  this doesn't make things better.  it does more damage and makes things harder to fix.  in order to heal the hurt, it's absolutely necessary to somehow look at the situation outside of yourself and try to be as fair as possible.  i, for one, am not good at doing this without some external support and motivation.

a great litmus test of a friend is how they respond when you present them with your pain.  do they immediately "have your back", to Hell with those who would do you wrong?  in my opinion, that's the easiest route.  it takes little thinking, little feeling, and little effort on their part.  what you need is someone who will jump into your sinking ship and carefully help you to navigate your way out.  it's not easy, but it's a heck of a gift and the sign of a sincerely wonderful friend.

when you are at odds with someone you love, do you really want to hear bad things about them?  no.  that's not going to make you feel better.  rather, you need the perspective of someone who realizes the importance the pain-inducer has in your life.  you need the perspective of someone who realizes that both parties have feelings, and that this relationship is worth mending rather than ending.  you need a great friend.

i am so thankful to have those people in my life who stand up for me better than i stand up for myself.  who tell me i'm wrong when i don't want to hear it.  who care about the people i care about if only because i care about them.  who can see the light through my frustration-induced haze.

do you have these people in your life? the best way to get a great friend is to be a great friend.  i certainly hope i continue to earn and deserve mine.