it's a new year

as i was walking into the gym a few days ago i was stopped dead in my tracks.  in the back of a truck, across the parking lot, i saw the end of childhood hope.  the elimination of a hope that santa would ever arrive up on the house tops next year, or in years to come.  i saw this:

a dead rudolph look-alike.  a real, dead, deer carcass with a fake red nose.  i wonder if it lights up after the sun goes down.

but anyway.  my initial thoughts:

what the fuck?

(and then, let's be honest...i laughed several times afterward)

my thoughts now:

what the fuck? HA ha ha ha ha.

and on that note, please let me wish you all a happy new year :)  did you make any resolutions?

i did.

i'll admit it.  i'm a tv addict.  without a doubt, i spend at least two hours a day watching television.

i'll give myself a little bit of credit.  most days, at least one hour of that tv time coincides with my time on the treadmill...the gym was verrrrry smart when it paired cardio with television.  but the rest of that time involves me, on my tush, on the couch, melting my brain away.

so, here's to resolution number 1: watch less television.

my substitute?  reading.  my boyfriend gave me a fabulous new nook tablet for christmas, and i intend to use it.  let's just pray i find some great reads to distract me from the looming box of entertainment that hangs in the living room.

and, on to the next: floss more.

what you're probably thinking: yeah, right.  nobody flosses.

...i thought that, too.  but i'm serious - i actually do!  i keep floss in my office drawer and use it after lunch every day.  the problem - that's the only time i floss.  apparently, that's just not enough.

up until christmas break, i hadn't been to the dentist in two and a half years.  that's right, two.and.a.half.years. that's a long time.  but i have a legitimate reason.  you see, i've known i had a cavity since my last appointment (two and a half years ago...yeah.  you get it).  what happens with cavities?  you drill 'em and fill 'em.  and what comes before that?  a giant SHOT.  in the mouth.  shot in the mouth.  i'm not into that.  in fact, i have what some might consider an irrational (however, we know it's rational) fear of needles.  all needles.  and so, i decided to avoid the dentist.

and then my sister - the dental assistant - lured me into her new office.  with her new dentist boss.  who has x-rays, tooth cameras, and a whole slew of his own big needles.

don't judge me here, but i'm going to let you in on a dirty secret: he found 7 cavities.  seven!!!  he did say that they were tiny, but basically the lesson goes: if you don't get your standard cleaning every 6 months at the dentist, your mouth is fucked.  as was mine.

and so, i had many a cavity in between little teeth.  both sides.  they scheduled two follow up appointments.  first for the right side, then for the left.  fuck me.

in fact, those are the exact words that came out of my mouth.  as the dentist (my sister's boss) was stabbing me in the mouth with his huge needles.  and i was squeezing my sister's hand.  and sweating all the way down to my feet.

according to the dentist, as long as the f-bomb isn't fully pronounced (as it wasn't really possible with his hands/needles taking up most of the room in my mouth), it doesn't count.  in that case, very few of my bombs counted.  according to him.

(apparently, the dentist has heard much more from folks in that leather chair, so i didn't say anything his virgin ears hadn't encountered before).

for the record, i'm a big fan of this office (despite the needles).  southern dental arts.  check it out.

the point is - i got five cavities filled on the right side of my mouth a few days ago.  what does that tell me?

floss more.

and there are others.  other resolutions.  they include cleaning "the office" (aka, the room in which we hide all of our crap that belongs nowhere else...except, perhaps, the goodwill donations box), hanging pictures, spending more quality time with quality friends, and expanding my culinary repertoire.  as of yet, however, they are not as entertaining.  and so i shall not bother you with them.

what are your resolutions?  see any dead reindeer?