as we're getting older, we run into different friendship scenarios, but basically i have found that we find ourselves in one of two situations periodically:
(a) we have a hard time keeping in touch with old friends, and it's difficult to make new ones in adulthood. you can't just strike up conversation in the sandbox or playground anymore.
(b) we've held onto all of our old friends and have gathered groups of new friends as well. we have a hard time deciding how to divide our time in order to maintain all of the relationships.
having just typed those two scenarios out, i realized that i lied above. well, not really lied - i just hadn't really thought it through. because, the reality is, at this very moment i am sort of in between. negating how i feel when i'm pms-ing (during which i emotionally convince myself on a monthly basis that i have no friends and am unloved), i have several "old" wonderful friends as well as new and newer friends whom i care for and try my best to keep in touch with.
i'm not saying that scenarios (a) and (b) aren't important or true, but i suppose i must admit it's not just one or the other. and you can fluctuate between the two, to be sure, depending on other worldly distractions at any given time in your life.
anyway...i have been thinking today about relationships as i realized: i am making new friends within my career. not friends who work in my company, necessarily, but those i meet in the industry. people i have slowly gotten to know over the year i have been in my current role and have grown to care for. just like i would a friend.
and i love it. days like these, when i am able to meet up with several of these work-related buddies throughout the day (for business purposes while intermingling personal updates), i feel productive and fulfilled on a deeper level than others. i feel connected to my work, and to the people that facilitate my work. i like it.
i determined that the reason i have connected with these folks has little to do with things we necessarily have in common, gender, or even age. it has more to do with who is willing to share, who is willing to listen, and how i feel after leaving our meeting.
when i leave meetings with these folks, i feel full. emotionally full. capable. and supported.
the same goes with my non-industry friendships. old and new ones.
or, at least, with most of them. not all.which is where we come to the big suck.
everyone has them, some more than others. those friends whom you care about, but drain you. after spending time with them, you leave feeling what i call "the big suck" - they are energy sucker-outers, motivation-killers, downers, whatever you want to call them.
rather than leaving feeling more capable, more powerful, more connected, and more loved, you feel down. you feel confused. anxious. sometimes you just can't put your finger on it. that's the big suck. technical term.
the question i have posed in my mind is this: what to do with relationships that cause the big suck effect? let's call it the bse. easier.
is a sense of obligation toward an individual more powerful than the impact of the bse? is obligation more worthy of attention than your own well-being?
what do these relationships do to us? and how to handle them?
i have tried the "divorce a friend" method before. while sometimes it ends in a peaceful silence, it also has the ability to create even further tension. or, in best case scenarios, you reconnect and find that the bse you used to experience with this individual has been replaced by the mnse (majorly not-sucking effect). after-glow, friend-style. but you never really know.
my current thought, now that i have described the bse...i certainly hope that i'm not an energy sucker-outer. a downer. if so, please temporarily divorce me and then give me another chance.
i promise to try to induce the mnse as often as possible. and thank you to those of my dear friends who provide this to me :)
No comments:
Post a Comment
i want to know what you're thinking! share :)