fluster

i've decided that today is a fluster day.  because i am flustered.  hopefully, i have sucked all of the fluster roaming around out of the atmosphere so that the rest of you reading this do not also fall prey.

it all started this morning.  at 7am, i woke to my boyfriend nudging me reminding me that i should probably wake up.  unaccustomed to the pleasure of waking up beside my man on the weekdays (he's usually out of town on business), i asked, "what day is it?"...thinking with sleepy naivete that it must be the weekend, it felt like the weekend, therefore i had at least another hour to snooze.


"babe, it's thursday."  damn.  clumsily, i reached for my phone and checked my alarm: set for 5:20am.  i swear, it never went off.  but it flustered me.

i hopped into the shower and scrubbed the life back in into me.  in my hurry, i also cut myself shaving.  we're getting off to a roaring start.

in my car headed toward the office, i bravely (irresponsibly) drove above the speed limit and was fortunate to narrowly miss an SUV that magically appeared in my blind spot as i attempted to merge into the right lane. there was honking, there was swerving, there was me mouthing, "so sorry!"...we both got out with our lives -  and our cars in one piece.

 heart in my throat, i pulled into my office parking lot, opened the office door, and hear "you can race in here in those heels, but i know you're late."  second damn.  it was my exec vp.  and i was 4 minutes late.

(in reality, it's not that big of a deal to be a few minutes late.  or a few minutes early.  i just hate being "busted")

and so i was further flustered.

i drove to a client meeting and took the scenic route as i again and again missed the turn into their facility parking lot.  prepared for this sort of scenario, and entirely aware of the fluster already stocked to the brim in my system, i had left in plenty of time.  i was 5 minutes early.

we had a great meeting.  the fluster had receded, i felt confident, cool and collected.  until i got caught in the "we" trap.  the "we" trap set by conservative southerners.  small-talking toward the end, the potential client asked where i lived.  my response, "we live in..." "oh, so are you married?" "um, no, i'm not." (initiate: blushing.  sweaty palms).  it was clear he had seen the naked space on my ring finger.  i felt "busted" again, this time for living in sin.  pre-marital-fornication.  impurity.  damn.

(note: i generally would proudly proclaim my living in sin status, as it is a source of much joy...the closeness to the boyfriend part, not necessarily the sinner part...but this was particularly uncomfortable as i was trying to remain in the good - even great - graces of a gentleman i'd like to do business with.  and i felt judged.)

i still think the meeting went well, but the fluster returned with a vengeance.  i carefully navigated my way back to the office, and tried my best to avoid vehicles larger than mine on the way this time.

i tried talking it out with my boyfriend on the drive back.  surely, eliminating the fluster through words ought to help.  no dice.  second option: stifle it with food.  of course!  off to the harris teeter salad bar i go.

i picked up my favorite veggie toppings, a bottle of spray dressing, and a diet dr. pepper (if diet dr. p can't fix something what can?).  i'm back at the office, full of anticipation, when i realize: i forgot the effing lettuce.  fluster wins again.  damn.

and so, i eat my toppings with spray dressing, thinking to myself: how else can fluster try to conquer my day?

...if i find out i forgot my gym shoes in the locker room this afternoon, i'm gonna be pissed.

next attempted solution: hersheys kisses.  diet dr. p is second only to chocolate, of course.

and so, the saga continues.