archetype test

so, i was recently reading salary.com, learning about career development and comparing myself to what others have to say with regard to goals, motivation, etc.

i compare myself to others.  all of the time.  for better or worse, i have a hard-wired inclination to see where i "fit" into the rest of humanity.  personally.  professionally.  permanently.

and so i of course jumped at the opportunity to take an archetype test.  i effin' pounced, really. 

what type of a professional person am i?  what are my strengths, as deduced by salary.com?  what are my weaknesses?  what type of a role is my "best fit" and am i currently in it?

you know you've wondered.  if you haven't...i just can't relate to you there.

take the test here, and share your results!

(you may have to create a profile...just do it.)

i took it, and my results look a little (or exactly) like this:

go figure.  i'm a lover. 

and heeeyyyy - apparently, i'm in one of the roles best suited to me!  sales.  yeah, baby.

are you?

doctor trickery

as i type this, my finger tips are sweating.  i'm serious.  my face is flushed, my skin is clammy, and my brain is swirling trying to determine an escape route from certain doom.

what doom, you may ask? 

let me tell you a story.

it's a story about a healthy girl named amy.  yeah, that'd be me. 

for the past 4 years, i have eaten healthy, worked out regularly, slept fairly well, and exercised an acceptable amount of care when enjoying sexy time.  i'm young, and in my personal opinion, pretty damn healthy. 

which is the way in which i have justified, for these past 4 years, that i have had no need to bother doctors with performing my annual physical.  waste of time and expense, right?  that is certainly my opinion.

recently, however, someone pulled a trump card.

a family friend, my primary care physician, has been letting me slide all this time.  refilling my two regular prescriptions without much of a complaint, i have had no one forcing my hand (and the rest of me) into the doctor's office to get checked out. 

if the pharmacist indicated that i may need to make a visit to my doc to get some refills, i simply say, "call my doctor, and tell her who it's for."  next time i come in, i flash a healthy girl smile, the pharmacist sees that i have the upper hand, and i'm on my way - Rx in hand.

it seems i may have been taking this for granted.

my doc finally pulled her trump card.  she has decided it is time for me to see her, in the form of an annual physical, and she is holding hostage my regular prescriptions. 

damn!  damn.

i tried the healthy girl smile again.  to no avail.  i tried negotiating.  i fought and lost.

it seems i must, in fact, go to visit my doc.  and so i scheduled this "annual physical" that seems to be required.

the receptionist answered the phone, and i told him what was up.  he acted as if it was all no big deal.

"alright then, we've got you in here for X day at X time, it should take about 30 minutes.  you'll have to fast for 8 hours so that we can perform the blood work...."

my world stopped at those last two words, and i stopped him.

blood work!?!? 

i didn't know i was signing up for that shit.

as i silently weighed the importance of my monthly prescriptions (one of which is the all-important birth control) against my intense fear of needles, the man on the other end of the line continued....

"yes, ma'am...all annual physicals include blood work."

and so, negotiator amy came back into play.

"well, is there an opt out box you can check beside that part?  i'm o.k. with a physical, but i'd rather not have any needles involved in my visit."

"um, no ma'am.  blood work is a mandatory part of any annual physical.  we have to check your cholesterol levels, serum levels, etc."

"trust me, i'm healthy.  it won't be a problem, and i personally don't need to know what those levels are.  i'm not even interested.  can you write a note on my chart, please, to indicate that blood work will not be necessary?"

"um...i don't think that's an option for you, ma'am."

"can we schedule just a check-up, then?  code this meeting some other way, a minimum intensity level so that i can just get my prescriptions refilled?"

"ma'am...you're going to have to get blood work done either way."

bam.  and that was it.  my cards had been played, i was shit out of luck.

i scheduled the appointment, but i couldn't accept total defeat.


so i started doing research. 

i googled standard requirements for annual physicals.  fuck the bloodwork - it was all there.

i called around.  did anyone know of a doctor who would perform a physical without involving needles?

no dice.

it seems, at this point, that next week i am doomed to be stuck and sucked.  in a bad way.

unless....anybody out there know of someone with an option to "opt out"...? ;)

f. me.

eff the baddies.

(warning: this is a bit of a rant.  bear with me.)

i'm ponding a question today...a question relating to a situation that makes me more and more agitated, anxious, and angry as i continue to allow my mind to contemplate it. 

...it takes a lot to make me really mad.  i am downright angry as i type this post...

what is one to do as they see someone they love being wronged?  that is the question.

the answer?

your first thought probably is, as mine would be: stop it.  put an end to it.

protect the fuck out of that loved one.

and that's my first reaction.

but what about when the situation is more complex than simply the wronging of a loved one. 

what if, in this situation, the loved one realizes that they are being wronged, and isn't entirely ready for it to end.  the loved one is almost an accomplice, an enabler to their own wronging?  willing to sacrifice parts of him or herself in order to maintain in the company of the wrong-doer?  intellectually aware of the situation, but emotionally unprepared to remove themselves from the bad guy/girl and accept help or help themselves?

let's call this wrong-doer, bad/guy girl, the baddie.  easier, gender-neutral and can be more easily applied to various situations.

let's also include a quick note on behalf of the baddie: a baddie is not necessarily a bad person.  a baddie is simply someone who, in this case, knowingly wrongs someone else.  often repeatedly.  to their own benefit, resulting in the harming of someone else.  perhaps good at the core, this individual is behaving selfishly in order to get exactly what they want out of a situation without giving anything they don't care to give. 

this situation - the one making me clench my teeth and beat on my keyboard:

this particular baddie is a selfish baddie.  someone who wants only certain aspects of my loved one, but not the whole package.  who is willing to give of themselves only as much as is required to obtain what they want.  who probably views themselves as "honest" in having provided the disclaimer that they're not looking for anything serious, while acting in a way which they understand will continue to draw in their object of prey.

he's using her.  and they both know it.

the baddie is knowingly wronging my loved one.  this baddie is selfishly promoting his own desires, and disregarding the unspoken but understood feelings of my loved one.  allowing my loved one to be the only one to make sacrifices in what she needs and wants, in order to still have the scraps of whatever the baddie is willing to offer.

that is not the way to treat a person.  any person. 

that behavior is not a sign of respect.

that behavior is selfish.  it is manipulative.  and it is wrong.

but what is a witness to do?

i know that this situations occurs all of the time. probably every day. i've seen it. i've heard about it. i've watched it on television. i've listened to it in songs. none of them provide an answer to my question.

i have been that person.  that girl who allowed herself and her needs to be minimized in order to glean even a fraction of what i really wanted from a relationship.  my baddie knew what he was doing - he even later admitted to it. 

i also had witnesses to my situation, friends who were gently honest with me and warned me of what was going on.  warned me that, no matter how long i waited or hoped, my baddie was never going to give me what i wanted and needed. 

they prompted me to make a break.  they certainly tried.

it didn't help.

i knew what they were saying was true.  i knew that, eventually, i would end up immensely disappointed, probably broken.  but i just wasn't ready.  i didn't have the emotional fortitude at that point in time to make the break, to give up on the huge amount of joy that i found in even the tiny scraps he threw my way.

eventually, it had to happen.  and it did.  the break and the fallout.  the acceptance, the disappointment, and the frustration.

and so it has to happen for my loved one.  having been there, it makes it even harder to watch.

and it does break you.  for a while, at least.

The longer the connection, the harder the fallout.  that's all there is to it.

if only i could give the baddies a taste of their own medicine...wishful thinking.

the breaking point

when it happens, i will be there for my loved one.  whenever.  wherever.  however i need to be of support. 

but how in the HELL do i help to soften the blow?  is it my place, is it even possible, for an outsider witnessing the wrongdoing to save the victimized loved one from further and deeper hurt?

my current answer:  i have no idea.

i don't want to overstep my boundaries.  i also don't want to put effort into something that would prove fruitless.

i had to make up my own mind when i was the one being wronged.  i had to let my heart catch up to my head.  i had to stockpile up enough courage to make the break.  there was nothing anyone else could say or do to change the progress of events.

it's just so damn hard to watch it happen. 

fuck the baddie.  figuratively.  literally would just be too kind.

to you readers:  i'm interested in your thoughts.  i'm sure that, to some extent, we have all been that person who was wronged by a baddie.  baddies are everywhere.  and sometimes they travel in packs.

fuck 'em.

patience tank.

you've heard of the "love tank", no doubt.  you know - when it's full, you're feeling fulfilled in your relationship(s), and when it's running on empty, you're feeling low. 

similar in concept, i imagine my own personal level of patience to be found in my "patience tank" - i start fresh in the morning with a full tank.  as the day progresses, it naturally declines as i use up my store. 

little gems throughout the day can definitely boost that level in my tank back up a notch.  those things can include sex, a good talk with a friend, a beer (or whatever your poison may be - just not tequila!), a nap, exercise...i could go on, but i won't for your sake.  you get the picture.  extra injections of patience throughout the day are certainly possible, the way i imagine it.

then, there are the patience-sucks that drain your tank more quickly than would naturally occur.  like a headache.  or pms.  assholes.  ____<-- you can fill in the blank (feel free to comment below). 

i spent my morning - two hours of it, to be exact - in a patience-sucking environment.  it was a powerful suck-age in meeting form with a kind but overly verbose man.  i'll provide further insight in a moment, but to give you a visual...

my patience tank currently looks about like this:

i'm running very low...especially for the time of day.  it's my lunch break, and i'm right around where i ought to be around bed time.  i feel as if my patience quota has been unfairly depleted, stolen from me and the rest of the world forced to encounter me for the remaining hours of the day...unless, of course, i get refueled at some point.  i see a glass of pinot noir in my future (and hopefully some sex).

anyway.  back to the patience depletor.

he's a good guy, this man.  let's call him mr. morningkill (or "mr. m" for short).  he has good intentions.  he's a little dated for the modern working world, but fairly intelligent. 

did i mention he's verbose?

he's the kind of person who can describe one word with 100.  who makes his point by making 10 points that are only vaguely relevant.  he speaks slowly, intentionally, and endlessly.  he repeats himself, just to be sure you got it.  he doesn't believe you when you say you had it before he "taught it to you"...and so he repeats the process. 

it reminds me of the moment in sandlot, when one of the boys describes things getting lost to "the beast" ...a moment in which he says, "f-o-r-e-v-e-r!!!"  yeah.  that's how long this meeting seemed to take.

halfway though, i pulled the "ladies room" card, tried to keep my face in a similar expression as to that it had held during our meeting, and went to look in the mirror.  did it reveal annoyance?  for sure.  was it offensive?  hopefully not...but mr. m can be sensitive.  so i practiced my best, fake, looking-forward-to-whatever-you-have-to-say smiles, and headed back into the danger zone.

don't worry.  i made it out alive.  but with a perilously low patience tank.

perhaps my patience tank is smaller than that of other people.  i have debated that before.  or perhaps it's just my personal triggers for patience depletion, my susceptibility to the patience-suck, which are more commonly found in daily life than those patience-sucks belonging to other folks.  for me, it includes things such as the following:

-blatant stupidity
-people who don't actually listen
-dirty spaces
-sleep deprivation & hunger
-people who think they are more attractive/intelligent/funny than they actually are
-poor vocabulary
-whining
-close-mindedness
-wasting time

i'm a girl who likes to get shit done.  most things (i hate checking my mail...one of a very few exceptions).  i like to be efficient.  i like to get to the point.  i like productivity, and i like concise meetings. 

what sucks your patience?  do you have your own version of my mr. morningkill? 

...am i just an impatient asshole?

share your thoughts.

showin' my ass

while packing my gym bag last night i was intentional.  i knew i had two important meetings today, and wanted to look sharp.  professional, yet feminine.  put together, with a little flare.  i chose a cream-colored dress, crochet & lace overtop a solid slip.  nude shoes.  a chunky red necklace to finish it off and give it a little "pop" of color. 

the dress was a little something like this, in a cream color:


...little did i know that wasn't the only "pop" of color i'd have goin' on today.

my first meeting was this morning, at a major hospital in the area.  my colleague and i showed up, met our potential client in the lobby, and were guided through the building to his office.  we passed patients.  we passed candy stripers.  we passed doctors, nurses, and other staff.  we conversed along the way, and things were clearly starting off on the right foot.  i had a good feeling about this meeting, and i was looking forward to sitting down in this potential clients office with my colleague for a solid technical chat. 

he brought us to his department office, and the door quickly opened for us.  the gentlemen, being gentlemen, let me walk in first, and i quickly heard from my right "miss....miss...MISS!"  i turned and found a receptionist, waving me over, actually requesting that i walk around her desk and come over where i can stand just beside her. 

my first thought - maybe she wants me to sign in, but she wants to watch me write?  maybe she has to issue me some sort of security badge to show that i'm allowed to be in the facility?  i honestly had no clue. 

she indicated that i lean down, and so i did.  in my ear, she whispered, "uh, ma'am.  i got a call from the ladies at the front.  something about your dress.  your slip." 

i thought to myself...well, my dress is on.  hemline was almost at my knees, it wasn't on backward....

she saw my confused look and indicated i should come back down for another whisper: "your slip seems to be caught.  everyone can see your undergarments.  we thought you should know."

first pop of color: my face going bright red.

(please keep in mind - my male colleague and male potential client are literally 4 feet away from me making small talk while i'm around the receptionists desk.  gotta.keep.my.cool.)

i look down, and realize that my slip has indeed become caught right around my hips, and my bright blue underwear is absolutely visible through the top layer of my dress.  front and back.  fuck ME.

...and so, what's a girl to do?  i duck to the side, stick my hands up my skirt, and yank the sucker down, that's what.  and then i march my ass - in a ladylike fashion - right into the conference room in order to get this business meeting started.

the meeting went well.  great, in fact.  i won't lie - the entire time i was wondering whether or not the two gentlemen in the room were aware of my booty-baring debacle.  i was also thanking my lucky stars that i've been doing squats lately.

at the conclusion of our meeting, i snuck ahead of the guys to the receptionist, and thanked her for letting me know.  just to be safe - i gave her a gander of my backside to ensure no cheek-age was visible.  i got a thumbs up.

i certainly got the "pop" of color i was looking for today.  in the company color, no less.  next time, though, i think i'm going to invest in some strategically placed safety pins.  to save my ass.

mate preferences

i'm back, and still playing catch-up from our trip to europe.  we visited london and barcelona, during which time we ate well, drank well, walked a ton and often froze our asses off.  it was a very.good.time.

in between furiously ensuring i haven't let any balls drop at work (figurative, not literal balls) i have had the pleasure of reading an article entitled, "A Half Century of Mate Preferences: The Cultural Evolution of Values."  and i liked it.

if you haven't yet noticed, i have an overarching, addictive interest: the human condition.

inside of that, i am specifically drawn to romantic relationships and any factoids to help me understand why folks are (or are not) attracted to other folks.

this article clued me in a bit.  let's chat.

it's a long piece, written to describe the results of a cross-generational study done in two parts, one in the 1980's and one in 1996.  in includes data spanning over 50 years, in an attempt to summarize value changes throughout the 20th century.

as it's so long, i'm going to summarize it for ya.  if you think you're game for tackling the article itself, i suggest reading the intro, and then dipping down into the discussion portion at the end of each study.

before we get started, let it be known: i want to hear from you!  why do you think these changes have come about, in your opinion?  do you think the findings of this study are true and visible in your own modern life?

alright, baby.  it's time.

here's the intro, in summary:
the 20th century has witnessed changes more radical and irretrievable than any previou scentury in the history of the human species.  cars became commonplace in the first half, computers in the second.  internet dating, virtual sex, and the specter of AIDS altered the landscape of human mating (banging).  women have entered the work force at unprecedented levels.  heightened awareness of sexual harassment, date rape, wife battering, and other forms of sexism have forced people to reevaluate assumptions about men and women.  in the context of these cultural changes, a core question: have human values changes and, if so, in what ways?  have we witnessed the cultural evolution of values?

values in human mating offer one arena within which these questions can be posed.  mate preferences most likely have been influenced by cultural changes.  one clear example pertains to widespread use of birth control, specifically oral contraceptives.

birth control reduces the unwanted or untimely onset of pregnancy.  on this basis alone, we might predict that the importance of chastity in a potential partnership might diminish, relative to the importance of other traits.  on the other hand, the widespread fear of stds should have the opposite effect of increasing the relative value people place on a chaste potential partner.

a second change pertains to the influx of women in the workforce, resulting in greater personal access to economic resources.  it has been well documented that women more than men value economic resourced in a long-term romantic partner, an apparent fact universal across cultures.  according to the "structural powerlessness" hypothesis, the importance owmen place on a man's economic resources should diminish as women gain greater personal access to such resources.  the value women place on a potential mate's financial prospects, on this hypothesis, occurs because marriage has traditionally been the primary means by which women can secure access to resources.  as women's personal access to resources increases as a result of their own labors, according to this hypothesis, the relative importance they attach to a mate's resources should diminish commensurably.  recent research conducted at a single time period with a single sample in the US failed to support the structural powerlessness hypothesis, but a cross-cultural study conducted the same way found some support.

a third change (which amy finds very interesting) pertains to the bombardment of images featuring physically attractive models and actors.  in the 20th century in the US, consumers moved from a reliance on radio to a pervasive use of tv, movies, and, more recently, internet images.  intense exposure to images of attractive models produces decrements in men's commitment to their regular partner. what the fuck? from an evolutionary psychological perspective, such images may "trick" our evolved mating mechanisms, deluding us into believing that we are surrounded by hundreds of attractive partners, as well as hundreds of potential intrasexual competitors.  might this bombardment of visual images elevate the value we place on physical attractiveness, relative to other traits?

the cross-cultural study (spanning more than 50 years) was designed to answer the following questions:
(a) what values in a mate, if any, have changed over this 57 year period?
(b) which values have remained constant despite changes in society?
(c) have the sex differences diminished over time as women gained greater personal access to economic resources?
(d) are there regional cultural differences within the same generation that might reflect differing degrees of cultural shifts?

study 1
participents from 1980's
results: three conclusions can be drawn.  first, regions within the united states appear to differ in the values they place on a marriage partner, perhaps reflecting differences in the impact of various cultural changes in this century.  a texas sample, in particular, appears to differ from the other samples in placing a greater value on chastity, good financial prospects, social status, and a similar religious background.  second, several consistent sex differences were found that transcended sample.  men in all samples placed more importance on good looks, whereas women in all samples placed more importance on good financial prospects, ambition, and industriousness.  third, there was a tremendous similarity across all regions and sex in the overall ordering of the values.  both sexes in all four samples, for example, rated mutual attraction and love as the most important value in selecting a marriage partner.

study 2
participents from 1996
results: for both men and women, there appeared to be an overall increase in the valuation of mutual attraction and love (especially from 1939), education and intelligence, sociability, and good looks.  in contrast, there appeared to be a general decrease in the valuation of refinement, neatness, and chastity for both men and women.  in addition to the changes that occurred in both sexes, several generational shifts appeared to be unique to sex.  for men, there was an overall increase in valuation of similar educational background and good financial prospects as well as an overall decrease in valuation of good cook and housekeeper.  for women, there was an overall decrease in valuation of ambition and industriousness.

summary
despite the apparent generational shifts, characteristics appeared to attain high levels of continuity in valuation across the assessment periods.  dependable character, emotional stability and maturity, and pleasing disposition retained high levels of valuation for both sexes.  similar political background reatined low levels for both sexes.

in addition to the continuities, six major sex differences recurred in each assessment period.  men placed a higher premium that did women on good health, good cook/housekeeper, and good looks.  in contrast, women placed a higher premium than did men on ambition and industriousness, similar educational background, and good financial prospects.

-- the end of the article summary --

so, what are your thoughts?

i won't lie.  while i recognize (and have chosen accordingly) the importance of handsome physical features in my mate, i also would be less attracted to a man who earned less money than i did, or who i felt was lazy.  i find someone who is hard working more attractive than someone with perfect looks and a lazy disposition.

my brother puts more emphasis on good looks in his future mate, with little to no interest in how much money they make.  relating to the "housekeeper" quality noted above, he has specifically mentioned that he is significantly less attracted to women whose apartments are messy.  while i have discouraged this seeming "picky" position of his, i don't believe he's much different from many other men. 

i'm not saying that it's "right" - it just is.

what are your thoughts?

travelin' (wo)man

"i'm leavin', on a jet plane.  don't know when i'll be back again..."

...that's a lie.  i'll be back on march 11th.  but you get the point.  i'm going on a trip!

the boyfriend and i, plus a favorite married couple, are headed out this evening for london.  after london, it's on to barcelona.  and then home.

it's something i've been looking forward to for a while, and i can't believe it's here. 

..i also can't believe how stressed out it makes me!

my boyfriend and i both have professional alter-egos.  there's business boyfriend.  and then there's business amy.  beware the alter egos.

business amy differs greatly from average aQ.  business amy is direct.  business amy is fast.  business amy has very little patience, doesn't appreciate anyone contributing to delays in any shape or form, and is less likely to be flexible.

business amy likes to get.shit.done.

you can tell if business amy has still taken me over if you talk to me on the phone.  the boyfriend calls me every evening from whichever city he happens to be in, and can quickly discern who he's talking to.  is she calm and sleepy?  hello, average aQ.  somewhat snappy and to the point?  alter ego is still in charge. 

while business amy is helpful, even necessary in certain situations, she certainly gets in the way sometimes.  she seems to come out in moments or days of higher-than-average stress. 

preparing for travel is one of those stressors. 

hello, readers.  this is business amy typing.  bwah-ha-ha-ha.

my poor boyfriend.  my poor family.  my poor friends.  those who have encountered my alter ego probably leave my presence with shivers.  business amy can be cold.

the only really great cure i've found?  red wine.

which is exactly what i plan to dose myself with as soon as i hit the plane this evening.   it'll be cheap.  but it'll be red.  and it'll kick the ass of any remnant of business amy left in my system.  i'm really looking forward to it.

and speaking of looking forward to things...i am SO looking forward to my trip.  once my feet are on the ground outside of heathrow, it's game on.  beer:30.  time for fish 'n chips, tapas bars, playing tourist and playing with accents.  even languages!

i will be acting as the group interpreter while we are in barcelona.  and man, are my comrades in for it.

it's been a while since i have really been in need of my deeply buried spanish skills.  they're dusty.  they're rusty.  and my grammar is terrible.

i'm praying that i don't accidentally respond with profanities and a smile.  that i don't order goat when i was hoping for fish.  that i don't call someone a prostitute when i intended to call them a professional.  i especially hope i don't lead anyone to believe i'm pregnant when i had hoped to admit that i was embarrassed - no doubt i'll do something to humiliate myself.  vocabulary is key, and mine in spanish leaves a lot to be desired.

i have no doubt i will return home with many a silly story.  embarrassing photos.  and a hangover.

but until my feet hit the chilly ground of london, i have to get there.  and i have a plan.  here's my itinerary:

1.  leave office. 
2.  get home and pack up the rest of my shit.
3.  briefly freak out that i've forgotten something (underwear isn't necessary..i'm sure going commando is more than accepted in europe.  deodorant and bras, for me, are non-negotiables.)
4.  get dropped off at the airport and freak out that i forgot my passport (jeff will have it)
5.  get my ass on the plane. 
6.  get a glass of wine in my hand
7.  promptly pass out with the help of tylenol pm
8.  feet on the ground in london (hours, and hours, and hours later)

wish me luck.  i'll miss you until then.  hasta luego...i'll be back!