eff the baddies.

(warning: this is a bit of a rant.  bear with me.)

i'm ponding a question today...a question relating to a situation that makes me more and more agitated, anxious, and angry as i continue to allow my mind to contemplate it. 

...it takes a lot to make me really mad.  i am downright angry as i type this post...

what is one to do as they see someone they love being wronged?  that is the question.

the answer?

your first thought probably is, as mine would be: stop it.  put an end to it.

protect the fuck out of that loved one.

and that's my first reaction.

but what about when the situation is more complex than simply the wronging of a loved one. 

what if, in this situation, the loved one realizes that they are being wronged, and isn't entirely ready for it to end.  the loved one is almost an accomplice, an enabler to their own wronging?  willing to sacrifice parts of him or herself in order to maintain in the company of the wrong-doer?  intellectually aware of the situation, but emotionally unprepared to remove themselves from the bad guy/girl and accept help or help themselves?

let's call this wrong-doer, bad/guy girl, the baddie.  easier, gender-neutral and can be more easily applied to various situations.

let's also include a quick note on behalf of the baddie: a baddie is not necessarily a bad person.  a baddie is simply someone who, in this case, knowingly wrongs someone else.  often repeatedly.  to their own benefit, resulting in the harming of someone else.  perhaps good at the core, this individual is behaving selfishly in order to get exactly what they want out of a situation without giving anything they don't care to give. 

this situation - the one making me clench my teeth and beat on my keyboard:

this particular baddie is a selfish baddie.  someone who wants only certain aspects of my loved one, but not the whole package.  who is willing to give of themselves only as much as is required to obtain what they want.  who probably views themselves as "honest" in having provided the disclaimer that they're not looking for anything serious, while acting in a way which they understand will continue to draw in their object of prey.

he's using her.  and they both know it.

the baddie is knowingly wronging my loved one.  this baddie is selfishly promoting his own desires, and disregarding the unspoken but understood feelings of my loved one.  allowing my loved one to be the only one to make sacrifices in what she needs and wants, in order to still have the scraps of whatever the baddie is willing to offer.

that is not the way to treat a person.  any person. 

that behavior is not a sign of respect.

that behavior is selfish.  it is manipulative.  and it is wrong.

but what is a witness to do?

i know that this situations occurs all of the time. probably every day. i've seen it. i've heard about it. i've watched it on television. i've listened to it in songs. none of them provide an answer to my question.

i have been that person.  that girl who allowed herself and her needs to be minimized in order to glean even a fraction of what i really wanted from a relationship.  my baddie knew what he was doing - he even later admitted to it. 

i also had witnesses to my situation, friends who were gently honest with me and warned me of what was going on.  warned me that, no matter how long i waited or hoped, my baddie was never going to give me what i wanted and needed. 

they prompted me to make a break.  they certainly tried.

it didn't help.

i knew what they were saying was true.  i knew that, eventually, i would end up immensely disappointed, probably broken.  but i just wasn't ready.  i didn't have the emotional fortitude at that point in time to make the break, to give up on the huge amount of joy that i found in even the tiny scraps he threw my way.

eventually, it had to happen.  and it did.  the break and the fallout.  the acceptance, the disappointment, and the frustration.

and so it has to happen for my loved one.  having been there, it makes it even harder to watch.

and it does break you.  for a while, at least.

The longer the connection, the harder the fallout.  that's all there is to it.

if only i could give the baddies a taste of their own medicine...wishful thinking.

the breaking point

when it happens, i will be there for my loved one.  whenever.  wherever.  however i need to be of support. 

but how in the HELL do i help to soften the blow?  is it my place, is it even possible, for an outsider witnessing the wrongdoing to save the victimized loved one from further and deeper hurt?

my current answer:  i have no idea.

i don't want to overstep my boundaries.  i also don't want to put effort into something that would prove fruitless.

i had to make up my own mind when i was the one being wronged.  i had to let my heart catch up to my head.  i had to stockpile up enough courage to make the break.  there was nothing anyone else could say or do to change the progress of events.

it's just so damn hard to watch it happen. 

fuck the baddie.  figuratively.  literally would just be too kind.

to you readers:  i'm interested in your thoughts.  i'm sure that, to some extent, we have all been that person who was wronged by a baddie.  baddies are everywhere.  and sometimes they travel in packs.

fuck 'em.