advice for earlier you (and me!)

i want some feedback.  so i created a survey.

please, friend - take it. 

just click here.

i've been thinking recently about advice i would give to my earlier self.  my 10 year old self, my 15 year old self, my 18 and 22 year old self.  i also think about the advice that, if i had a megaphone to my generation, i'd provide.

i remember that i used to be devastated because i had yet to get my period.  i was 15, and i was convinced that either (a) my ovaries were broken or (b) something was wrong with me and i would never, ever turn into a full-fledged woman.

it happened.  but i wish i had known, earlier on, to treasure the time that comes before the monthly bleed-out.  (yum).

i remember, around the same time, when i had not yet kissed a boy.  i was terrified that i wouldn't know what to do, so i read article after article, quizzed my friends, trying to learn in vain from others. 

it happened.  and it was gross.  i remember my first thought: "i can't believe this is a national passtime." (i hadn't discovered sex, yet.)

i would tell myself, "don't worry, it gets better.  but congrats anyway."

i remember my mother's face when, in college, i told her that i hadn't changed my sheets all semester.  i remember the stench of unwashed dishes stacked on top of our dorm room microwave. 

i'd hand that self some lysol and a roll of papertowels and tell her to get to work!

i'd tell my post-college self to avoid dating within your industry (it's just bad news).  that people gossip in the working world just like they do in high school.

and i would tell my 25 year old self not to tell her boyfriend so early on that she wants to marry him...woops!

what do you remember, and what advice would you have for your earlier self?  share with me - take the survey!

love, aQ

charisma

let's be straight: i think i'm pms-ing at the moment.  i'm craving chocolate, my face is letting me know just how imperfect it can look, and my patience tank isn't showing up as "full" when i wake up in the morning. 

give it a few days, i'll be back to normal.

in the meantime, i've used my pms-motivated brain to ponder moments that have really pissed me off.  criticisms of myself that i either accept or reject, and then i stew over them. 

i swear - i try to leave shit in the past.  but pms is like a shit-shovel.  digs it all right back up and flings it in my face (and others) sometimes.

shit on the brain at this moment: an accusation that, while i'm great to talk to in person, i'm not as wonderful in group situations.  i am an attention-seeker, desperate to be the center of attention, unable to listen and allow for others to speak their minds, and somewhat unnerving.

...at least, that's what was said about me by someone who shall remain nameless.

it was said months and months ago.  but it still irks me.  it still makes me feel sensitive and insecure at times when i feel that, in groups of friends, i've dominated conversation and taken the spotlight from others.  i do not want to be that girl.  that person. 

and so i try to ensure that (a) i am cogniscient of my tendency to selfishly steal the spotlight/talk time and (b) i apologize if i think back and realize i may have done so.

but that's just a story to get us started.  i actually have a quiz for you to take that is only mildly related. 

bear with me, this will be fun.

i have some kind friends to assure me that it's just my charisma that leads folks to want to be near me (perhaps they are too kind?), and i find this idea of charisma intriguing.

i certainly know many a charismatic person.  i know what it feels like to be drawn to them.  that's what drew me to many of my close friends.  ...i wonder if i have some fraction of what my sweet friends claim i may.

do you?  are you charismatic?  are you a charmer?

or, like me, are you a potentially unnerving attention whore?  you may think you know...but oprah may know better.

while toying around on oprah.com over my lunch break, i came across this quiz:

"how charismatic are you?"  <--take it.  let's compare notes.

my results, according to my biased answers, give me the following:

 hooray.  i am mildly charismatic.  a mediocre charmer. 

i am so o.k. with that.

it doesn't answer my question:  am i an attention whore?

but at least i know that a teensy bit of charm may be involved.

archetype test

so, i was recently reading salary.com, learning about career development and comparing myself to what others have to say with regard to goals, motivation, etc.

i compare myself to others.  all of the time.  for better or worse, i have a hard-wired inclination to see where i "fit" into the rest of humanity.  personally.  professionally.  permanently.

and so i of course jumped at the opportunity to take an archetype test.  i effin' pounced, really. 

what type of a professional person am i?  what are my strengths, as deduced by salary.com?  what are my weaknesses?  what type of a role is my "best fit" and am i currently in it?

you know you've wondered.  if you haven't...i just can't relate to you there.

take the test here, and share your results!

(you may have to create a profile...just do it.)

i took it, and my results look a little (or exactly) like this:

go figure.  i'm a lover. 

and heeeyyyy - apparently, i'm in one of the roles best suited to me!  sales.  yeah, baby.

are you?

doctor trickery

as i type this, my finger tips are sweating.  i'm serious.  my face is flushed, my skin is clammy, and my brain is swirling trying to determine an escape route from certain doom.

what doom, you may ask? 

let me tell you a story.

it's a story about a healthy girl named amy.  yeah, that'd be me. 

for the past 4 years, i have eaten healthy, worked out regularly, slept fairly well, and exercised an acceptable amount of care when enjoying sexy time.  i'm young, and in my personal opinion, pretty damn healthy. 

which is the way in which i have justified, for these past 4 years, that i have had no need to bother doctors with performing my annual physical.  waste of time and expense, right?  that is certainly my opinion.

recently, however, someone pulled a trump card.

a family friend, my primary care physician, has been letting me slide all this time.  refilling my two regular prescriptions without much of a complaint, i have had no one forcing my hand (and the rest of me) into the doctor's office to get checked out. 

if the pharmacist indicated that i may need to make a visit to my doc to get some refills, i simply say, "call my doctor, and tell her who it's for."  next time i come in, i flash a healthy girl smile, the pharmacist sees that i have the upper hand, and i'm on my way - Rx in hand.

it seems i may have been taking this for granted.

my doc finally pulled her trump card.  she has decided it is time for me to see her, in the form of an annual physical, and she is holding hostage my regular prescriptions. 

damn!  damn.

i tried the healthy girl smile again.  to no avail.  i tried negotiating.  i fought and lost.

it seems i must, in fact, go to visit my doc.  and so i scheduled this "annual physical" that seems to be required.

the receptionist answered the phone, and i told him what was up.  he acted as if it was all no big deal.

"alright then, we've got you in here for X day at X time, it should take about 30 minutes.  you'll have to fast for 8 hours so that we can perform the blood work...."

my world stopped at those last two words, and i stopped him.

blood work!?!? 

i didn't know i was signing up for that shit.

as i silently weighed the importance of my monthly prescriptions (one of which is the all-important birth control) against my intense fear of needles, the man on the other end of the line continued....

"yes, ma'am...all annual physicals include blood work."

and so, negotiator amy came back into play.

"well, is there an opt out box you can check beside that part?  i'm o.k. with a physical, but i'd rather not have any needles involved in my visit."

"um, no ma'am.  blood work is a mandatory part of any annual physical.  we have to check your cholesterol levels, serum levels, etc."

"trust me, i'm healthy.  it won't be a problem, and i personally don't need to know what those levels are.  i'm not even interested.  can you write a note on my chart, please, to indicate that blood work will not be necessary?"

"um...i don't think that's an option for you, ma'am."

"can we schedule just a check-up, then?  code this meeting some other way, a minimum intensity level so that i can just get my prescriptions refilled?"

"ma'am...you're going to have to get blood work done either way."

bam.  and that was it.  my cards had been played, i was shit out of luck.

i scheduled the appointment, but i couldn't accept total defeat.


so i started doing research. 

i googled standard requirements for annual physicals.  fuck the bloodwork - it was all there.

i called around.  did anyone know of a doctor who would perform a physical without involving needles?

no dice.

it seems, at this point, that next week i am doomed to be stuck and sucked.  in a bad way.

unless....anybody out there know of someone with an option to "opt out"...? ;)

f. me.