so, i promised i'd share a wonderfully humiliating story before the week was out. little did i know that i would have the glorious opportunity of a wonderfully humiliating/awkward experience shortly after posting!
having already shared this tale with a few of my close friends, i repeatedly heard, "these things only happen to you - and all of the time!"
why? i don't know. but it's a damn good thing i can laugh at myself.
let me set the scene...
it's mid-week on a work day, and i'm in the office. i'm wearing a black crochet/lace dress (perhaps these are bad luck? see earlier posts) that hits just above the knee.
walking down the hall of our office suite, i get this sensation that something is missing.
something just.feels.wrong.
having now learned from previous experience, i check my dress to ensure the hem (and lining) is down where it belongs. check. zipper zipped? good to go there.
the dress is boat-neck style, so there's no worry over boobie-baring. hmmmm....
i just can't put my finger on it, and then:
wtf. my underwear disappeared!
i'm NOT kidding. i had absolutely put a thong on that morning, distinctly remember having seen it throughout my many bathroom trips earlier in the day, and it was definitely NOT there.
that "wrong" feeling was the definitive lack of anything between my V and the floor. a little too much ventilation down there.
and so i silently freak out. if it's not underneath my dress, then where the hell IS it? did it just fall off of me without my realizing it? it's not like my ass absorbed it...(i wiggle a little, just to make sure)
i start roaming around my office, scanning the floor and trying to do so in a nonchalant manner...it's not like i want to admit to someone that i'm looking for my panties.
but i can't find them anywhere!
i look under my desk - literally crawl down there to make sure they didn't somehow miraculously twist off of me while sitting indian-style. nope.
i look in the break room to make sure that, while focused on obtaining a diet coke, i didn't somehow ignore the fact that my thong was slipping down my legs. it wasn't there.
i went to the ladies room to make sure that i hadn't, somehow, left them on the floor...??? they weren't there.
my heart beating hard, a worst-case scenario played in my head....that our office manager may have found them and was holding them hostage waiting for someone (clearly me) to come up and claim their panties.
everyone would find out! and this was an OLD thong...not even one that i could be proud of!
at my wits end, i checked the last place i could think to look...up my dress. waaaaay up there.
hiding behind my office door, up went my hand...nothing to the left...nothing to the right...for shits and giggles, i reached a little higher, all the way up to my effin' rib cage...and there it was.
somehow, the skinny part of the thong (aka, the crotch) had SNAPPED (my pup chewing on my panties too much?) and left me with merely a BELT...which had hiked its way up my abdomen.
NOW what?
i just tried to make the best of it.
i removed the little panty belt, hid it in the bottom of my trashbin, and for the rest of the workday was totally free-ballin' it (or whatever that's called for those of us sans-balls).
i never realized just how important it could be to sit like a lady.
how do these things happen to me??
story time.
let me tell you a story. if it leads you to click the link at the bottom of this page, please accept my virtual high-five. if you prefer that it be a virtual hug, consider it yours. i hear i'm a talented virtual hugger...
(i promise to share a thoroughly awful and wonderfully humiliating story by the end of the week to make up for this one! xo - aQ)
so here we go.
it's first semester, my junior year of college. i'm 20, and i am unimaginably pumped to be heading to costa rica for my study abroad after christmas break.
younger drinking age! sexy tanned bodies! beautiful rainforests and stunning beach weekends!
best of all, classes will be much, much easier.
....as soon as i get through this chem-packed semester (blech!).
and so i sit, on a saturday night, cross-legged at my dorm room desk. the air is filled with james taylor tunes. i have a beer in hand (the best way to study). i am passionately skimming my way through the end of the chapter when my phone rings. it's my mom. i put the beer down (as if she could see me), and answer the phone.
"hey, sweetie - what are you doing for lunch tomorrow? i was thinking of coming over to see you and take you out!"
as i ponder the time this will take away from my pre-test super-cram session, the opportunity for a free lunch wins out. i am a poor college student, after all.
"that would be great!" ...and plans are set.
she picks me up the next afternoon and brings me to my favorite spot - jason's deli. the place of the amy-style sandwiches and salad bar of heaven...with the bonus of free soft-serve ice cream!!
she chooses a table outside and we begin our ritual - mother-daughter small talk over my free meal. we talk boys (not yet into "men" territory), we talk the stress of upcoming exams, we talk the last time i washed my sheets (it had been a while) and we talk about how glorious costa rica is going to be.
and then she does something unusual...she gets quiet (something the Q women are not known for ever doing). she clears her throat. and then she makes eye contact.
"so, ame, i brought you here to tell you something. and i want you to know i love you very much."
this can't be good....nothing good starts out with 'i brought you here to tell you something.'
as my mind races, i try to figure out what she's about to say before she says it.
some of the contemplated options:
divorce is something i can handle. have prepared for, even. i had seen the forecast, tested the wind, and totally saw this one coming.
unpleasant? sure. but something i at least feel somewhat prepared for.
i settle comfortably in my chair, ready to be "surprised", and let her tell me her way.
...i was so, incredibly wrong... (please note: divorce does actually happen...just give it 2 years)
"honey...i have cancer. it's breast cancer. i have been scheduled for surgery, and will begin chemotherapy shortly after."
.
.
.
.
.
.
WORLD STOPS.
......whhhhhatttt?
WORLD SPINS.
.....these things only happen to other people, not my family....
REFOCUS.
...but she looks so healthy!
.
.
.
.
this was, without a doubt, NOT something i had planned for. could have prepared for. was ready to hear...or would ever be ready to hear.
my eyes hurriedly reviewed my mother.
she still looked the same. beautiful hair, perfect complexion, fit physique and everything i was used to. there was no coughing, no sneezing, no signs of fever or pain. she was the same mother who tucked me into bed at night. helped me with my homework. dressed me up for prom and dropped me off for college.
she looked so healthy. so normal.
but she was sick. with something that could kill her. and there wasn't a damn thing in the world i could do about it.
after some initial questions, confusion and moments of silence, my mom restarted the conversation.
"i know you have been looking forward to going to costa rica. and i still want you to go. i have plenty of support here as i go through my chemotherapy, and there is no point in you staying here just to watch me get sicker. i love you, and i think it's best if you plan to go through with your study abroad."
first thought: but what if something happens to her while i'm gone!?
second thought: what an easy out...an escape from the hard new facts of life.
selfish, i know. but honest. i don't think anyone can ever prepare to learn that a loved one has cancer. we all deal with it differently. sometimes an escape seems like the only way to cope.
a few months later, i went to costa rica.
while i was gone, i focused on other things. i played with spanish. i turned 21. i met new friends, traveled to distant beaches, and tried to tell myself that i was having the time of my life. i distanced myself from home.
my mothers was a very different reality.
she slept on the couch, too tired to make it from her bedroom to the living area every day. she underwent a double mastectomy (removal of both breasts) and lost her sense of womanhood. she went to chemotherapy and tried to hold her food down as waves of nausea passed over her. for months. life as she knew it was replaced by doctor appointments, infusions of poisonous "medicine", exhaustion and isolation.
i will never forget the day i came home.
it had been almost six months, and as i was lowered by the escalator she came into view.
she was smiling in her pink bandana, covering the bald head she was left with after the hair fell out. she wore a loose-fitting top to hide the concave space where her breasts used to be. and she was thin. so thin.
this was one of the most difficult times of my entire life. i cannot imagine the depth of her pain, sense of loss, and fear.
but we got through it. the months wore on, and she fought. the hair slowly came back - gray and wavy in place of the silky blonde we were so used to. she underwent reconstructive surgery, and began to feel more like a woman again.
7 years later i am so thrilled to report: i still have my mother.
she has been in remission for a few years now, and she's looking better than ever.
we know we're the lucky ones. not everyone made it this far.
and this is where i get to the real purpose of this blog post. the reason i shared this personal glimpse into my life 7 years ago.
despite any recent controversy, the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation is by far the most effective and powerful player in the fight against the disease that tried to take my mother away from the world. Komen raises funds for research, for education, for prevention and social support.
in large part, Komen raises the funds to support the cause through large events and fundraisers. and this is where you come in.
in october of this year, i will be walking 60 miles over the course of 3 days in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day event. my mother and sister beside me, we will be walking to raise awareness, walking to provide support to those still fighting, and walking as a symbol of the financial support we were able to bring to the cause.
in order to walk, participants are challenged with raising $2,300. it's no small number, but it's no small cause.
i cannot do it without your help.
(THANK YOU to those friends and loved ones who have already donated!!! This request is not of you.)
if you have any desire or means, i ask that you support me. if you can think of anyone who might want to share in their support, i ask that you please send them my link (below).
every dollar counts. every bit of help you give gets me a little closer to walking beside my mom and fighting to help all of the women who currently or will eventually have to combat breast cancer themselves.
here is a link to donation page: http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2012/AtlantaEvent2012?px=6521434&pg=personal&fr_id=1761
to contribute, simply click the link on the top left hand side.
thank you. thank you for reading. thank you for taking the time to contemplate supporting me in the walk. and if you do feel compelled to donate, put your hand up for my virtual high-five. which will most likely be followed by my virtual hug.
love, aQ
(i promise to share a thoroughly awful and wonderfully humiliating story by the end of the week to make up for this one! xo - aQ)
so here we go.
it's first semester, my junior year of college. i'm 20, and i am unimaginably pumped to be heading to costa rica for my study abroad after christmas break.
younger drinking age! sexy tanned bodies! beautiful rainforests and stunning beach weekends!
best of all, classes will be much, much easier.
....as soon as i get through this chem-packed semester (blech!).
and so i sit, on a saturday night, cross-legged at my dorm room desk. the air is filled with james taylor tunes. i have a beer in hand (the best way to study). i am passionately skimming my way through the end of the chapter when my phone rings. it's my mom. i put the beer down (as if she could see me), and answer the phone.
"hey, sweetie - what are you doing for lunch tomorrow? i was thinking of coming over to see you and take you out!"
as i ponder the time this will take away from my pre-test super-cram session, the opportunity for a free lunch wins out. i am a poor college student, after all.
"that would be great!" ...and plans are set.
she picks me up the next afternoon and brings me to my favorite spot - jason's deli. the place of the amy-style sandwiches and salad bar of heaven...with the bonus of free soft-serve ice cream!!
she chooses a table outside and we begin our ritual - mother-daughter small talk over my free meal. we talk boys (not yet into "men" territory), we talk the stress of upcoming exams, we talk the last time i washed my sheets (it had been a while) and we talk about how glorious costa rica is going to be.
and then she does something unusual...she gets quiet (something the Q women are not known for ever doing). she clears her throat. and then she makes eye contact.
"so, ame, i brought you here to tell you something. and i want you to know i love you very much."
this can't be good....nothing good starts out with 'i brought you here to tell you something.'
as my mind races, i try to figure out what she's about to say before she says it.
some of the contemplated options:
- she feels uncomfortable with me traveling so far away for study abroad? we've already tackled that.
- one of my siblings got into a car accident? i would have seen a text.
- she's displeased with my grades? wait till she sees how i blow away this exam!
divorce is something i can handle. have prepared for, even. i had seen the forecast, tested the wind, and totally saw this one coming.
unpleasant? sure. but something i at least feel somewhat prepared for.
i settle comfortably in my chair, ready to be "surprised", and let her tell me her way.
...i was so, incredibly wrong... (please note: divorce does actually happen...just give it 2 years)
"honey...i have cancer. it's breast cancer. i have been scheduled for surgery, and will begin chemotherapy shortly after."
.
.
.
.
.
.
WORLD STOPS.
......whhhhhatttt?
WORLD SPINS.
.....these things only happen to other people, not my family....
REFOCUS.
...but she looks so healthy!
.
.
.
.
this was, without a doubt, NOT something i had planned for. could have prepared for. was ready to hear...or would ever be ready to hear.
my eyes hurriedly reviewed my mother.
she still looked the same. beautiful hair, perfect complexion, fit physique and everything i was used to. there was no coughing, no sneezing, no signs of fever or pain. she was the same mother who tucked me into bed at night. helped me with my homework. dressed me up for prom and dropped me off for college.
she looked so healthy. so normal.
but she was sick. with something that could kill her. and there wasn't a damn thing in the world i could do about it.
after some initial questions, confusion and moments of silence, my mom restarted the conversation.
"i know you have been looking forward to going to costa rica. and i still want you to go. i have plenty of support here as i go through my chemotherapy, and there is no point in you staying here just to watch me get sicker. i love you, and i think it's best if you plan to go through with your study abroad."
first thought: but what if something happens to her while i'm gone!?
second thought: what an easy out...an escape from the hard new facts of life.
selfish, i know. but honest. i don't think anyone can ever prepare to learn that a loved one has cancer. we all deal with it differently. sometimes an escape seems like the only way to cope.
a few months later, i went to costa rica.
while i was gone, i focused on other things. i played with spanish. i turned 21. i met new friends, traveled to distant beaches, and tried to tell myself that i was having the time of my life. i distanced myself from home.
my mothers was a very different reality.
she slept on the couch, too tired to make it from her bedroom to the living area every day. she underwent a double mastectomy (removal of both breasts) and lost her sense of womanhood. she went to chemotherapy and tried to hold her food down as waves of nausea passed over her. for months. life as she knew it was replaced by doctor appointments, infusions of poisonous "medicine", exhaustion and isolation.
i will never forget the day i came home.
it had been almost six months, and as i was lowered by the escalator she came into view.
she was smiling in her pink bandana, covering the bald head she was left with after the hair fell out. she wore a loose-fitting top to hide the concave space where her breasts used to be. and she was thin. so thin.
this was one of the most difficult times of my entire life. i cannot imagine the depth of her pain, sense of loss, and fear.
but we got through it. the months wore on, and she fought. the hair slowly came back - gray and wavy in place of the silky blonde we were so used to. she underwent reconstructive surgery, and began to feel more like a woman again.
7 years later i am so thrilled to report: i still have my mother.
she has been in remission for a few years now, and she's looking better than ever.
we know we're the lucky ones. not everyone made it this far.
 |
| mom at my graduation in 2007...feeling more like herself! |
despite any recent controversy, the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation is by far the most effective and powerful player in the fight against the disease that tried to take my mother away from the world. Komen raises funds for research, for education, for prevention and social support.
in large part, Komen raises the funds to support the cause through large events and fundraisers. and this is where you come in.
in october of this year, i will be walking 60 miles over the course of 3 days in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day event. my mother and sister beside me, we will be walking to raise awareness, walking to provide support to those still fighting, and walking as a symbol of the financial support we were able to bring to the cause.
in order to walk, participants are challenged with raising $2,300. it's no small number, but it's no small cause.
i cannot do it without your help.
(THANK YOU to those friends and loved ones who have already donated!!! This request is not of you.)
if you have any desire or means, i ask that you support me. if you can think of anyone who might want to share in their support, i ask that you please send them my link (below).
every dollar counts. every bit of help you give gets me a little closer to walking beside my mom and fighting to help all of the women who currently or will eventually have to combat breast cancer themselves.
here is a link to donation page: http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2012/AtlantaEvent2012?px=6521434&pg=personal&fr_id=1761
to contribute, simply click the link on the top left hand side.
thank you. thank you for reading. thank you for taking the time to contemplate supporting me in the walk. and if you do feel compelled to donate, put your hand up for my virtual high-five. which will most likely be followed by my virtual hug.
love, aQ
friendship tiers...not tears
i think often about how i would qualify my friendships.
don't judge me for analyzing my relationships. i'm a human. and have you met me (via this blog or otherwise)?
it's what.i.do.
i think that everyone can honestly say that their friendships are not all one and the same. the love or like you feel with a friend feels different from person to person, relationship to relationship, and the way your friendships look from the outside also varies.
some folks try to categorize their friendships into functions.
"this is my gym friend." "this is my girl-talk friend." "this is my coffee date friend." "this is my mom friend." "this is my family friend."
i have pondered that strategy, but i don't think it really works.
i had a nice long discussion with a friend last night - a friend i'll put on tier 1, without hesitation (we'll get to what that means later) - about how to appropriately describe the difference between unique levels of friendship.
and i think that they fall into tiers of closeness and connectedness.
right now, i'm going to say - no tier is an indication of higher/lower quality human being or level of fun that can be had with that person. not at ALL. it's just an indicator of the level of connectedness, the intensity of the friend love and "oh, they so get me!" moments.
i will also say that, more than likely, if you were ever to ASK me what tier you fall on, there's no way i'd tell you. feelings can get hurt when they shouldn't be. competition between friends of friends ought not exist (in my opinion). and it certainly isn't an indicator of my level of respect or opinion of you. i would probably shake out within your tiers exactly where you'd shake out on mine. heck - i might even shake out on your level 3 while for me you are a level 2. but who cares!?
it's just something i like to think about.
we're talking connectedness here, people. from fun times, common interests, all the way to soul sisters who seem as if they share the same brain waves. all wonderful people involved. otherwise they wouldn't be in the system of tiers at all :)
here is a visual of how i see these tiers shakin' out:
so let's get started with some delineation as to how the tiers shake out. feel free to add your comments/revisions as you see fit below in the comments box.
tier 4 - friendly faces
you see each other out and about. friends of friends, you have met them at social engagements and you are now (or were immediately) on a hugging basis. you have arrived. you're friends!
if you see them out, you know they'll recognize you and you know to expect a conversation. so you pray that, when you do bump into each other, you look put together.
these people probably hear some of your silly stories that you're willing to admit to most, know enough about you to ask how you're doing with some level of background understanding, and are probably on your list of invitees if you ever throw a good-size party. you don't necessarily expect that they'll show up - but you want them to know that they are welcome, and know they'd add to the group fun. always a joy to see at a large get together - but not in your inner circle.
if you see them out, it's exciting! everyone loves a friendly face, and this one has the potential to be a lot of fun over drinks in a group. but you wouldn't invite them to intimate social gatherings. you wouldn't share your deeper thoughts/feelings with them. you are more likely to give them lip service and more likely to say "i'm doing well, how are you?" when they ask rather than saying, "i've been stuck on the toilet all day, i'm pissed at my dog and i'm pmsing."
you connect on a very peripheral level - and they're fun.
tier 3 - on the list
these are the people you easily list off when you're inviting people to a party. and you're pretty sure that - if possible - they're gonna be there. these are folks you can grab an easy lunch with, and at the level at which you would spend time making plans to get together. you wouldn't just rely on bumping into them by chance (like those in tier 4).
these are friends you can relax with. meet up at the gym in sweatpants or without make-up or a hair brush. these friends are those who you would think to call if throwing a more intimate backyard bash. the friends who you can go shopping with, get your nails done with, meet after work occasionally and discuss lightly personal topics. you share some things in common.
these are friends you can share your thoughts with, but not someone who would ever be a candidate for constructive criticism (even if they ask for it). you're not that close, it's none of your business, and you can leave it to their tier 1 or 2 friends to handle that. think they're drinking too much? not your business. think they are dating a douche-bag? none of your business. think their parents are being dick-faces? still, none of your business. keep those opinions to yourself, but otherwise it's an easy friendship.
these friends pierce the outer level of friendship and connect with you on a more significant level. they're worth making the effort to spend time with. but there are still areas that aren't your (or their) damn business.
tier 2 - the best buddies
this group is a nice one. the ladies you know you can trust. the ladies that really listen, that really hear, and that clearly make an effort to be there for you when you need them. they're close friends, and they are important to you. if all goes well, you'll know them for a loooong time.
often times, these are the ladies you spend most of your time with. because you make an extra special point to. you don't just feel obligated to show up for their birthday/personal event/etc., you WANT to be there. and if you can't be, you not only feel as if you let them down, but you're also really disappointed that you missed out on sharing that experience with them.
these people matter. a lot. and they're super valuable. you probably have history. have known each other for a while. you have inside jokes, warm memories, and friends in common.
if you need an honest opinion, you know you can call on these girls. if you need a last-minute mega-huge favor, you know you can call on these girls. if you're in trouble and need a stern talkin-to, you know you can count on these girls. your business is their business. because they really care.
when they're sad or in a difficult spot, you may lose sleep over it. you feel compelled to be there for them and to try to help their situation. you are a shoulder to cry on and you've cried on theirs. and you always love sharing your awful/gross/wild stories with them.
you're in a judgement-free zone 75% of the time, and that's a great place to be.
for some people, this is the highest tier friend they ever find. and that's OK! these people are special, they support you, and they know they can count on you for the same. they form a solid foundation in your social world, and you are happy to be associated with them.
these friends hit just outside of your very soul - which is pretty damn close. when you find these ladies, you take care of those friendships. nuture them. because they're a critical element of any happy gal's life.
tier 1 - soul sisters
don't laugh at me for this title - after a loooong time spent thinking about the way in which i could accurately describe this connection, it's the only way i could think to state it. soul sisters. those women who seem to have been separated from you at birth. or who were born into the world for the sole purpose of one day being your friend.
you just "click". it's inevitable. these are the people with whom you can talk long into the night without realizing it's 1am. the people who are just on the same wavelength. you share your innermost issues, fears and insecurities, and find that you probably share a large majority of the same.
they just "get it" - and you just get them. it's effortless. completely fluid. and sometimes unbelievable.
these are the friends that not everyone finds. and they can be lived without.
but damn, they are life-enhancers.
these are the people i love to refer to as my forever friends. the people who you could go years without seeing, and then reconnect like it had only been yesterday.
the inner core of a person (their soul) doesn't change. and if you're connected there, there's really no maintenance needed.
sure - you would LOVE to see these people (or person) every day. but if you don't, you don't lose sleep over it. these people can be counted on to understand, to just accept the forever friendship as it is, and not to sweat the small stuff.
this is a 100% judgement-free zone. the people your heart breaks with. the people your heart leaps with. the people who accept you, COMPLETELY as you are, no ifs ands or buts.
if you are lucky enough to live nearby to one or more of these friends, take ADVANTAGE of it. because it may not be forever.
but the good news is, if distance does come between you, it'll be ok. jobs may change. lovers may change. looks may change. hobbies may change. but who they really are is all that really matters.
and that, my friend, is forever.
can you easily identify your friends on these tiers? do you think they matter? have you found any of your tier 1's?
share your thoughts...i'm interested :)
and to ALL of my friends, in every tier: i love you. and you make my life matter.
don't judge me for analyzing my relationships. i'm a human. and have you met me (via this blog or otherwise)?
it's what.i.do.
i think that everyone can honestly say that their friendships are not all one and the same. the love or like you feel with a friend feels different from person to person, relationship to relationship, and the way your friendships look from the outside also varies.
some folks try to categorize their friendships into functions.
"this is my gym friend." "this is my girl-talk friend." "this is my coffee date friend." "this is my mom friend." "this is my family friend."
i have pondered that strategy, but i don't think it really works.
i had a nice long discussion with a friend last night - a friend i'll put on tier 1, without hesitation (we'll get to what that means later) - about how to appropriately describe the difference between unique levels of friendship.
and i think that they fall into tiers of closeness and connectedness.
right now, i'm going to say - no tier is an indication of higher/lower quality human being or level of fun that can be had with that person. not at ALL. it's just an indicator of the level of connectedness, the intensity of the friend love and "oh, they so get me!" moments.
i will also say that, more than likely, if you were ever to ASK me what tier you fall on, there's no way i'd tell you. feelings can get hurt when they shouldn't be. competition between friends of friends ought not exist (in my opinion). and it certainly isn't an indicator of my level of respect or opinion of you. i would probably shake out within your tiers exactly where you'd shake out on mine. heck - i might even shake out on your level 3 while for me you are a level 2. but who cares!?
it's just something i like to think about.
we're talking connectedness here, people. from fun times, common interests, all the way to soul sisters who seem as if they share the same brain waves. all wonderful people involved. otherwise they wouldn't be in the system of tiers at all :)
here is a visual of how i see these tiers shakin' out:
so let's get started with some delineation as to how the tiers shake out. feel free to add your comments/revisions as you see fit below in the comments box.
tier 4 - friendly faces
you see each other out and about. friends of friends, you have met them at social engagements and you are now (or were immediately) on a hugging basis. you have arrived. you're friends!
if you see them out, you know they'll recognize you and you know to expect a conversation. so you pray that, when you do bump into each other, you look put together.
these people probably hear some of your silly stories that you're willing to admit to most, know enough about you to ask how you're doing with some level of background understanding, and are probably on your list of invitees if you ever throw a good-size party. you don't necessarily expect that they'll show up - but you want them to know that they are welcome, and know they'd add to the group fun. always a joy to see at a large get together - but not in your inner circle.
if you see them out, it's exciting! everyone loves a friendly face, and this one has the potential to be a lot of fun over drinks in a group. but you wouldn't invite them to intimate social gatherings. you wouldn't share your deeper thoughts/feelings with them. you are more likely to give them lip service and more likely to say "i'm doing well, how are you?" when they ask rather than saying, "i've been stuck on the toilet all day, i'm pissed at my dog and i'm pmsing."
you connect on a very peripheral level - and they're fun.
tier 3 - on the list
these are the people you easily list off when you're inviting people to a party. and you're pretty sure that - if possible - they're gonna be there. these are folks you can grab an easy lunch with, and at the level at which you would spend time making plans to get together. you wouldn't just rely on bumping into them by chance (like those in tier 4).
these are friends you can relax with. meet up at the gym in sweatpants or without make-up or a hair brush. these friends are those who you would think to call if throwing a more intimate backyard bash. the friends who you can go shopping with, get your nails done with, meet after work occasionally and discuss lightly personal topics. you share some things in common.
these are friends you can share your thoughts with, but not someone who would ever be a candidate for constructive criticism (even if they ask for it). you're not that close, it's none of your business, and you can leave it to their tier 1 or 2 friends to handle that. think they're drinking too much? not your business. think they are dating a douche-bag? none of your business. think their parents are being dick-faces? still, none of your business. keep those opinions to yourself, but otherwise it's an easy friendship.
these friends pierce the outer level of friendship and connect with you on a more significant level. they're worth making the effort to spend time with. but there are still areas that aren't your (or their) damn business.
tier 2 - the best buddies
this group is a nice one. the ladies you know you can trust. the ladies that really listen, that really hear, and that clearly make an effort to be there for you when you need them. they're close friends, and they are important to you. if all goes well, you'll know them for a loooong time.
often times, these are the ladies you spend most of your time with. because you make an extra special point to. you don't just feel obligated to show up for their birthday/personal event/etc., you WANT to be there. and if you can't be, you not only feel as if you let them down, but you're also really disappointed that you missed out on sharing that experience with them.
these people matter. a lot. and they're super valuable. you probably have history. have known each other for a while. you have inside jokes, warm memories, and friends in common.
if you need an honest opinion, you know you can call on these girls. if you need a last-minute mega-huge favor, you know you can call on these girls. if you're in trouble and need a stern talkin-to, you know you can count on these girls. your business is their business. because they really care.
when they're sad or in a difficult spot, you may lose sleep over it. you feel compelled to be there for them and to try to help their situation. you are a shoulder to cry on and you've cried on theirs. and you always love sharing your awful/gross/wild stories with them.
you're in a judgement-free zone 75% of the time, and that's a great place to be.
for some people, this is the highest tier friend they ever find. and that's OK! these people are special, they support you, and they know they can count on you for the same. they form a solid foundation in your social world, and you are happy to be associated with them.
these friends hit just outside of your very soul - which is pretty damn close. when you find these ladies, you take care of those friendships. nuture them. because they're a critical element of any happy gal's life.
tier 1 - soul sisters
don't laugh at me for this title - after a loooong time spent thinking about the way in which i could accurately describe this connection, it's the only way i could think to state it. soul sisters. those women who seem to have been separated from you at birth. or who were born into the world for the sole purpose of one day being your friend.
you just "click". it's inevitable. these are the people with whom you can talk long into the night without realizing it's 1am. the people who are just on the same wavelength. you share your innermost issues, fears and insecurities, and find that you probably share a large majority of the same.
they just "get it" - and you just get them. it's effortless. completely fluid. and sometimes unbelievable.
these are the friends that not everyone finds. and they can be lived without.
but damn, they are life-enhancers.
these are the people i love to refer to as my forever friends. the people who you could go years without seeing, and then reconnect like it had only been yesterday.
the inner core of a person (their soul) doesn't change. and if you're connected there, there's really no maintenance needed.
sure - you would LOVE to see these people (or person) every day. but if you don't, you don't lose sleep over it. these people can be counted on to understand, to just accept the forever friendship as it is, and not to sweat the small stuff.
this is a 100% judgement-free zone. the people your heart breaks with. the people your heart leaps with. the people who accept you, COMPLETELY as you are, no ifs ands or buts.
if you are lucky enough to live nearby to one or more of these friends, take ADVANTAGE of it. because it may not be forever.
but the good news is, if distance does come between you, it'll be ok. jobs may change. lovers may change. looks may change. hobbies may change. but who they really are is all that really matters.
and that, my friend, is forever.
can you easily identify your friends on these tiers? do you think they matter? have you found any of your tier 1's?
share your thoughts...i'm interested :)
and to ALL of my friends, in every tier: i love you. and you make my life matter.
i love humans.
it's funny, the way that my attitude and situation can change in a matter of minutes. or seconds.
i have been tired lately. working hard, traveling, and playing angry birds in bed on my new iphone until far too late at night. lack of sleep predisposes me to less-than-typical mood swings. here is what i have noticed over the past few days:
i'm walking through the mall and step into jcrew. i'm worn down from the day, my eye make-up is slowly creeping down my face, and i just need to spend a little money as a pick-me-up (bad habit). i am wearing a distinctly non-jcrew designer dress, and one of the female associates stops me. "you look beautiful. i love your outfit. the whole darn thing."
i.love.humans.
i'm hungry. i am waiting in line at the grocery store self check-out, wishing i could go ahead and crack open the plastic container of fruit i selected. as one of the kiosks becomes available, a 40-something businessman walks up. and then right in front of me toward my spot at the open self check-out. this dude jumped me in line, thought his time was more important than mine.
i.hate.humans.
i'm sitting at my desk, and my phone rings. it's been a busy day, i'm in the middle of a project, and i pray that whatever someone is about to ask of me will not take me too far off task. i pick up the phone. "hey, sunshine!" says the friendly voice of a colleague. "hey (friend)!" i say. he proceeds to share some good news with me, and thank me for helping him get our foot in the door. he then sends a note to my boss, cc'ing me, calling out our joint success and thanking me again.
i.love.humans.
i'm on a flight to newport for a wedding. my flight lands after the first leg of my trip, a little later than scheduled. i'm ready to get out of the plane and make a sprint to the ladies room. my connecting flight boards in about 10 minutes, from a different gate on the other side of the airport. a couple from the back of the plane starts shoving their way forward, throwin' elbows and shouting that they have a connecting flight that is about to board. they seemingly could care less for everyone else on the flight who also has a connection.
i.hate.humans.
i make it to my hotel in newport around 1:15am. i am exhausted, covered in airport musk (you know what i mean), and ready to hit the sack. my handsome cousins run down the stairs and embrace my boyfriend and i in big happy hugs. they waited up for us, and we haven't seen each other in a year.
i.love.humans.
after visiting with my cousins upstairs at the hotel, around 1:30am my boyfriend and i quietly walk down the stairs. the woman who checked us into the hotel blocks our path at the bottom, points her finger, and yells "i don't know what kind of establishment you think this is, but if you don't be quiet and go immediately to your room i am calling the police and you're out of this hotel. and who is sitting in the hallway? get her out!" i respond in a calm voice, let her know that she's talking to the wrong people, i am not responsible for anyone else who may be making noise in the hotel nor am i aware of or responsible for whomever is sitting in the hallway. it's not my hotel, and i am not a representative of everyone in it. she repeats her threat, and eventually lets my boyfriend and i return to our room. livid, i sit down at the computer and work until 2:30am writing a pointed letter to hotel management.
i.hate.humans.
i woke up this morning and headed to the office. on my way, i dropped into a local grocery store to snag my favorite protein bar. i'm checking out when an elderly couple on a pair of walkers calls out to all of the grocery store ladies. they have purchased them all breakfast, and want them to stop to enjoy it! my check-out lady whispers to me, "they come in here every day, have been for years, and sometimes they bring us gifts and meals. aside from church on sundays, we see them every day...same time. if they ever don't show up when we expect them to - which i'm afraid may happen in the next year or so - we'll know that something is wrong. we will be sending someone to go check on them." i think of the sweet couple, at the end of their years, and the grateful staff at the grocery store.
it warmed my heart. it made my morning.
i really, really do love humans.
i have been tired lately. working hard, traveling, and playing angry birds in bed on my new iphone until far too late at night. lack of sleep predisposes me to less-than-typical mood swings. here is what i have noticed over the past few days:
i'm walking through the mall and step into jcrew. i'm worn down from the day, my eye make-up is slowly creeping down my face, and i just need to spend a little money as a pick-me-up (bad habit). i am wearing a distinctly non-jcrew designer dress, and one of the female associates stops me. "you look beautiful. i love your outfit. the whole darn thing."
i.love.humans.
i'm hungry. i am waiting in line at the grocery store self check-out, wishing i could go ahead and crack open the plastic container of fruit i selected. as one of the kiosks becomes available, a 40-something businessman walks up. and then right in front of me toward my spot at the open self check-out. this dude jumped me in line, thought his time was more important than mine.
i.hate.humans.
i'm sitting at my desk, and my phone rings. it's been a busy day, i'm in the middle of a project, and i pray that whatever someone is about to ask of me will not take me too far off task. i pick up the phone. "hey, sunshine!" says the friendly voice of a colleague. "hey (friend)!" i say. he proceeds to share some good news with me, and thank me for helping him get our foot in the door. he then sends a note to my boss, cc'ing me, calling out our joint success and thanking me again.
i.love.humans.
i'm on a flight to newport for a wedding. my flight lands after the first leg of my trip, a little later than scheduled. i'm ready to get out of the plane and make a sprint to the ladies room. my connecting flight boards in about 10 minutes, from a different gate on the other side of the airport. a couple from the back of the plane starts shoving their way forward, throwin' elbows and shouting that they have a connecting flight that is about to board. they seemingly could care less for everyone else on the flight who also has a connection.
i.hate.humans.
i make it to my hotel in newport around 1:15am. i am exhausted, covered in airport musk (you know what i mean), and ready to hit the sack. my handsome cousins run down the stairs and embrace my boyfriend and i in big happy hugs. they waited up for us, and we haven't seen each other in a year.
i.love.humans.
after visiting with my cousins upstairs at the hotel, around 1:30am my boyfriend and i quietly walk down the stairs. the woman who checked us into the hotel blocks our path at the bottom, points her finger, and yells "i don't know what kind of establishment you think this is, but if you don't be quiet and go immediately to your room i am calling the police and you're out of this hotel. and who is sitting in the hallway? get her out!" i respond in a calm voice, let her know that she's talking to the wrong people, i am not responsible for anyone else who may be making noise in the hotel nor am i aware of or responsible for whomever is sitting in the hallway. it's not my hotel, and i am not a representative of everyone in it. she repeats her threat, and eventually lets my boyfriend and i return to our room. livid, i sit down at the computer and work until 2:30am writing a pointed letter to hotel management.
i.hate.humans.
i woke up this morning and headed to the office. on my way, i dropped into a local grocery store to snag my favorite protein bar. i'm checking out when an elderly couple on a pair of walkers calls out to all of the grocery store ladies. they have purchased them all breakfast, and want them to stop to enjoy it! my check-out lady whispers to me, "they come in here every day, have been for years, and sometimes they bring us gifts and meals. aside from church on sundays, we see them every day...same time. if they ever don't show up when we expect them to - which i'm afraid may happen in the next year or so - we'll know that something is wrong. we will be sending someone to go check on them." i think of the sweet couple, at the end of their years, and the grateful staff at the grocery store.
it warmed my heart. it made my morning.
i really, really do love humans.
good day to you
it's been a wonderful 36 hours.
...and i needed it!
after a rough start last week, i was really hoping for a smooth transition into this one. let me give you a brief picture into how life looked approximately a week ago...
it's monday morning. i wake up at 7:15, about 30 minutes after my intended start, and rushed to get ready. showered. dressed. make-up'd. and out the door.
i was mentally patting myself on the back as i pulled into the parking lot of my office, proud of the fact that i arrived one solid minute before 8am, when it hit me: i had left my laptop at home.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! (one of those panic moments that can only be experienced in all of its glory on a monday morning)
i had to think fast.
do i back out, turn around and head home to scoop up my laptop and do another lap to the office?
impossible. not only would i be significantly late for work, i would also be noticeably late for my 8:30am monday-morning call with my boss.
shit.
my mind raced. and eventually reverted back to middle school amy, the girl who knew that whenever she left her homework at home, or her books, or whatever other critical element had been forgotten, there was always one person who could be counted on to save the day:
my mom.
yes, i am 27 years old. but sometimes, your mom is the only one who can fix a situation. that was the case in this one.
i furiously dial her number, sweating in my car still parked in the office parking lot. it rings once. it rings twice. and then my sleepy, angel of a mother answers the phone.
can she go to my house and please, oh please please bring me my laptop?
not even a question. she's on it. jumps out of bed and comes to my rescue.
i have never been more thankful that my mother lives just down the road.
she gets to my office just in time: 8:28am. i plug in my laptop, pick up my phone, and get back on my game as i call my boss.
whew. i made it.
when the call is finished i hang up the phone. i lean back in my chair and breath a sigh of relief.
we're back on track. this day isn't going to be so rough after all - just a fluke of a bad start.
i head into the hall and am stopped by a male colleague. we chat about a presentation we'll be giving to a client in a few hours, and all seems to be going well. until he changes topics.
"so, did you say you were at a golf resort over the weekend?" he asks.
"why yes, i was at pinehurst over the weekend. why do you ask?"
"well, i can tell, because it looks like you got hit with a flying golf ball right in the neck! ha ha."
i gasp. i cover my neck with my hand. it couldn't be, could it? how did i miss it?
the inescapable truth: i had a major hicky almost dead-center on my neck, and i hadn't noticed it as i rushed to get ready this morning.
my colleague spotted it first. and i was humiliated.
"oh, well uh, i'm sure i must have just burned myself while i was getting ready this morning."
he smirks. and calls to three other male colleagues, "hey (dude 1), (dude 2), and (dude 3), come check this out. look like a burn mark to you? *evil cackle*"
the guys come out of the offices, faces ineffectively hiding mischevious grins.
i have both hands covering my neck.
me: "seriously guys, it's just a burn mark."
guys: "if it's a curling iron burn, why is you hair so straight? heh heh heh..."
they got me.
they all three get the evil eye, and i retreat to my office. thankfully, i had my concealer in my purse. fate. i take care of a quick cover-up job, and for the next hour endure random drop-ins to my office:
"hey amy, you need some burn cream for your wound?"
"how you healin' up over there?" "that humidity really must have killed your curls."
i stuck to my story. but i was so, incredibly busted.
the rest of the week was a blur, a hurricane of days that spun my head around and made my eyes cross. proposals. revisions. deadlines. meetings.
...and then came friday, at 5pm. and all was calm. but was it the calm before another storm?
all weekend i worried.
but it's been great! so far (i realize it's only wednesday), i have woken up on time and at work looking decently human. i have spent quality time with the boyfriend and some of my closest girlfriends. i even get to keep one at my house for a few nights :)
so now, i look forward to the rest of the week. to coming home from work this evening to my visiting friend, to girl talk and take-out, to the return of my boyfriend and date night on saturday.
i pray that i'm not jinxing myself. will somebody please knock on wood? but i think this may be a good week :)
...and i needed it!
after a rough start last week, i was really hoping for a smooth transition into this one. let me give you a brief picture into how life looked approximately a week ago...
it's monday morning. i wake up at 7:15, about 30 minutes after my intended start, and rushed to get ready. showered. dressed. make-up'd. and out the door.
i was mentally patting myself on the back as i pulled into the parking lot of my office, proud of the fact that i arrived one solid minute before 8am, when it hit me: i had left my laptop at home.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! (one of those panic moments that can only be experienced in all of its glory on a monday morning)
i had to think fast.
do i back out, turn around and head home to scoop up my laptop and do another lap to the office?
impossible. not only would i be significantly late for work, i would also be noticeably late for my 8:30am monday-morning call with my boss.
shit.
my mind raced. and eventually reverted back to middle school amy, the girl who knew that whenever she left her homework at home, or her books, or whatever other critical element had been forgotten, there was always one person who could be counted on to save the day:
my mom.
yes, i am 27 years old. but sometimes, your mom is the only one who can fix a situation. that was the case in this one.
i furiously dial her number, sweating in my car still parked in the office parking lot. it rings once. it rings twice. and then my sleepy, angel of a mother answers the phone.
can she go to my house and please, oh please please bring me my laptop?
not even a question. she's on it. jumps out of bed and comes to my rescue.
i have never been more thankful that my mother lives just down the road.
she gets to my office just in time: 8:28am. i plug in my laptop, pick up my phone, and get back on my game as i call my boss.
whew. i made it.
when the call is finished i hang up the phone. i lean back in my chair and breath a sigh of relief.
we're back on track. this day isn't going to be so rough after all - just a fluke of a bad start.
i head into the hall and am stopped by a male colleague. we chat about a presentation we'll be giving to a client in a few hours, and all seems to be going well. until he changes topics.
"so, did you say you were at a golf resort over the weekend?" he asks.
"why yes, i was at pinehurst over the weekend. why do you ask?"
"well, i can tell, because it looks like you got hit with a flying golf ball right in the neck! ha ha."
i gasp. i cover my neck with my hand. it couldn't be, could it? how did i miss it?
the inescapable truth: i had a major hicky almost dead-center on my neck, and i hadn't noticed it as i rushed to get ready this morning.
my colleague spotted it first. and i was humiliated.
"oh, well uh, i'm sure i must have just burned myself while i was getting ready this morning."
he smirks. and calls to three other male colleagues, "hey (dude 1), (dude 2), and (dude 3), come check this out. look like a burn mark to you? *evil cackle*"
the guys come out of the offices, faces ineffectively hiding mischevious grins.
i have both hands covering my neck.
me: "seriously guys, it's just a burn mark."
guys: "if it's a curling iron burn, why is you hair so straight? heh heh heh..."
they got me.
they all three get the evil eye, and i retreat to my office. thankfully, i had my concealer in my purse. fate. i take care of a quick cover-up job, and for the next hour endure random drop-ins to my office:
"hey amy, you need some burn cream for your wound?"
"how you healin' up over there?" "that humidity really must have killed your curls."
i stuck to my story. but i was so, incredibly busted.
the rest of the week was a blur, a hurricane of days that spun my head around and made my eyes cross. proposals. revisions. deadlines. meetings.
...and then came friday, at 5pm. and all was calm. but was it the calm before another storm?
all weekend i worried.
but it's been great! so far (i realize it's only wednesday), i have woken up on time and at work looking decently human. i have spent quality time with the boyfriend and some of my closest girlfriends. i even get to keep one at my house for a few nights :)
so now, i look forward to the rest of the week. to coming home from work this evening to my visiting friend, to girl talk and take-out, to the return of my boyfriend and date night on saturday.
i pray that i'm not jinxing myself. will somebody please knock on wood? but i think this may be a good week :)
requisite awful moments
over coffee this morning i read the following article on oprah.com by leigh newman: "the 5 heartaches everyone needs to have only once." you can click to read the article here.
after having read through these 5 moments, i have determined that while we may only need to have each example only once, i have had countless opportunities to experience these suckers. if i had to guess, i'd say that several of them are burning memories (more than once) in your past as well.
you know. the "f my life" and "ohmygoodnessiwanttodie" situations in which hiding in the bathroom, under your covers, or in a hefty glass of wine will only get you so far.
i have re-worked the 5 "heartache" moments in more general terms below, and included examples of my own moments of shame and shittiness.
hopefully you'll get a chuckle. thinking back, the only way i survived is through an ability to heartily laugh at myself and my past idiocy. and the understanding that, while situations such as these are bound to happen again, eventually, yes - we will laugh about it later.
here you go:
Situation 1: you loved them, they did Not love you back.
amy's experience - oh, the horror. the heartache. the crying-into-your-pillow nights and the endless, repeated analysis you put your friends through...when what they really want to say is, "he's just not that into you." there doesn't have to be a reason they're not into you - be it a friend, a man, etc. sometimes what you think is "incredible chemistry" is actually incredible, one-sided attraction. and you're that one side. it sucks.
i once loved (or was it obsession?) a man who, without a doubt, did not feel the same way about me. i essentially prostrated myself before him, to the dismay and shock of my friends, and turned myself into the unsolicited mat upon which he could tread. he doesn't call me? doesn't treat me like a lady? treats me like arm candy that is easily disposed of and traded for the next pretty item of momentary interest? i made up excuses. i knew that, once given enough opportunity, surely he would see that we were destined to be together. that our "chemistry" was so strong, it was undeniable that whatever momentary hurdles might stand in our way (timing, stress, diarrhea...whatever), it was crystal clear that i was the only woman for him.
(buzzer sounds) yeah...wrong! i humiliated myself, to him and others, and appeared more than desperate to attain a love that would never be returned. it sucks. we all do it, at some point in time. it hurts. sometimes physically. and we remember it. hopefully, this learning experience helps us to avoid future blindness in one-sided affection in the future. sometimes...it takes several tries. eh. we'll get it right some day.
Situation 2: you let an opportunity pass you by and seriously regretted it
amy's experience - i was studying abroad, 21 years old, traveling around nicaragua with some of my girlfriends. we had landed on my favorite place in the world - ometepe, a little island in the middle of the freshwater lake nicaragua. it.was.stunning. we were staying in a remote hostel, one which could only be reached by a massive suv, and after checking into our open-air room decided to join the other visitors in the communal dinner, included in our super cheap rate.
and that's where i met him. i don't even remember his name. he was from canada, he was handsome, and i had an immediate attraction. he sat beside me, we talked, and we made a plan to kayak together in the wee hours of the morning before i was leaving for another nicaraguan city with my girlfriends.
the next morning i woke up, full of anticipation and worry that he just might stand me up. i had nothing to fear. there he stood, handsome and tanned, waiting beside two kayaks with a cup of coffee waiting for me.
we took off, slowly paddling alongside one another with easy conversation. we paddled around a tiny island about a hundred yards out, and then stopped to lay back and just float as we watched the sun rise. it felt like magic. there was definite chemistry.
we paddled on back, sat by the water, held hands and talked about how we could get in touch later. in a rush, and per his request, i quickly told him what city we'd be in and where we could meet - time, place, etc. a fool, i gave him no other contact information (email, phone, etc.). and then, with my friends, i took off for mainland nicaragua.
i was floating. i was so excited. and then plans changed. i had the option of standing my ground, ensuring that i arrived at the proposed meeting spot, or going with the flow to appease my friends. i chose the latter. and i never saw him again.
i am twenty seven now, and still think about that guy. the mystery canadian, the handsome kayaking partner, who (for all i know) was left waiting around while i never showed up. i still kick myself for what could have turned into an exciting, romantic, if fleeting experience.
but i learned from it. i came back from study abroad and started taking chances. that's how i met my current boyfriend. after one missed opportunity after we first met (never said i was perfect), the second time around i made sure that he knew exactly how to get in touch. we've been together more than three years now. i am so thankful i went out on a limb. and still kicking myself for letting the canadian get away.
Situation 3: you didn't do your homework
amy's experience - this has happened too many times to count. especially in college. showing up in class, or in lab, getting put on the spot only to give a dumb "uh...uh..." clearly bullshit response. it has happened in my professional life. submitting proposals i thought looked spot-on, only to realize later i had not read and researched the full extent of the prospective clients need. it's humiliating. makes you feel incompotent. and, for a while at least, teaches you to get your shit in order before you may be put on the spot.
Situation 4: you looked like a disaster in public (humiliation!)
amy's experience - i am sure this has happened to me more often than i am aware, but the one situation that really stands out in my mind happened to me last summer. in an effort to look my best prior to seeing friends, i went to get my already short hair-cut trimmed and perfected. and i was in a rush. my stylist not available? give me the novice! my hair would work itself out, and look just as i hoped it would regardless...right? yeah, no ma'am.
i came back home in a shameful sulk. i knew it looked bad, but was hoping it would pass by the notice of others. i tested it on my loving boyfriend. "ha, ha...don't worry, it's not THAT bad...my little mushroom head." fuck. the chick gave me a bowl-cut, for goodness sakes!
so i went back. immediately. to the salon, requesting a do-over. what did that require? more inches off. shorter and shorter, until i had less of a bowl cut...and more of a boy cut. i was horrified. and had plans to show up to a sporting event with a couple of my beautiful girlfriends and their husbands in less than an hour.
so we went. and my kind friends assured me that i pulled it off...my "cheekbones really make this cut work." they were so lovingly lying to me.
even better - we ran into one of my pseudo-exes that night. it was...spectacular. horrifyingly so.
the hair grew out. i learned to master the art of the bobby pin. but i was humbled. and now i am slow to judge those who are strong enough to brave the public eye when making a clearly acknowledged styling mistake. and i never, ever cheat on my hair stylist.
Situation 5: you spoke (callously) without thinking
amy's experience - i wish it weren't true, but this one has happened more times than i can count. and more times than i would like to (or could possibly) remember. the times where i fondly compare my dog to a new mother's child. when i imply that my sister's eventual children may end up obese. when i told my color-blind boss that, yes, your commentary on this design is un helpful and just plain wrong.
my current best memory of this has to be from a few weeks ago. cuddling with my sweet (and sexy) boyfriend, i put my hand on his bum...and then i slapped it. "hard as a rock, right!?" he joked. and i responded, "a rock? yeah, right...it's more like a marshmallow." *silence....* "a marshmallow?" ...i knew i said something wrong. deep down, i know that one should never compare someone elses backside...or most body parts...to a marshmallow. but i was joking - right?
yeah...it wasn't funny.
i'd hurt his feelings, and spent the next ten minutes trying to dig myself out of a hole. only to dig myself deeper. "well, you know, in this position anyone's bum would feel like a marshmallow...er...you know i love marshmallows. i love your marshmallow. would i continually smack it if i didn't love it? ...er...i'm sorry."
lesson learned? no more comparing someone's body parts to fluffy food items. ever.
(***for the record: he has a cute little man bum. i do love it. and it does not feel like a marshmallow.)
SO - now it's your turn. share some of your own requisite awful moments :) xo - aQ
after having read through these 5 moments, i have determined that while we may only need to have each example only once, i have had countless opportunities to experience these suckers. if i had to guess, i'd say that several of them are burning memories (more than once) in your past as well.
you know. the "f my life" and "ohmygoodnessiwanttodie" situations in which hiding in the bathroom, under your covers, or in a hefty glass of wine will only get you so far.
i have re-worked the 5 "heartache" moments in more general terms below, and included examples of my own moments of shame and shittiness.
hopefully you'll get a chuckle. thinking back, the only way i survived is through an ability to heartily laugh at myself and my past idiocy. and the understanding that, while situations such as these are bound to happen again, eventually, yes - we will laugh about it later.
here you go:
Situation 1: you loved them, they did Not love you back.
amy's experience - oh, the horror. the heartache. the crying-into-your-pillow nights and the endless, repeated analysis you put your friends through...when what they really want to say is, "he's just not that into you." there doesn't have to be a reason they're not into you - be it a friend, a man, etc. sometimes what you think is "incredible chemistry" is actually incredible, one-sided attraction. and you're that one side. it sucks.
i once loved (or was it obsession?) a man who, without a doubt, did not feel the same way about me. i essentially prostrated myself before him, to the dismay and shock of my friends, and turned myself into the unsolicited mat upon which he could tread. he doesn't call me? doesn't treat me like a lady? treats me like arm candy that is easily disposed of and traded for the next pretty item of momentary interest? i made up excuses. i knew that, once given enough opportunity, surely he would see that we were destined to be together. that our "chemistry" was so strong, it was undeniable that whatever momentary hurdles might stand in our way (timing, stress, diarrhea...whatever), it was crystal clear that i was the only woman for him.
(buzzer sounds) yeah...wrong! i humiliated myself, to him and others, and appeared more than desperate to attain a love that would never be returned. it sucks. we all do it, at some point in time. it hurts. sometimes physically. and we remember it. hopefully, this learning experience helps us to avoid future blindness in one-sided affection in the future. sometimes...it takes several tries. eh. we'll get it right some day.
Situation 2: you let an opportunity pass you by and seriously regretted it
amy's experience - i was studying abroad, 21 years old, traveling around nicaragua with some of my girlfriends. we had landed on my favorite place in the world - ometepe, a little island in the middle of the freshwater lake nicaragua. it.was.stunning. we were staying in a remote hostel, one which could only be reached by a massive suv, and after checking into our open-air room decided to join the other visitors in the communal dinner, included in our super cheap rate.
and that's where i met him. i don't even remember his name. he was from canada, he was handsome, and i had an immediate attraction. he sat beside me, we talked, and we made a plan to kayak together in the wee hours of the morning before i was leaving for another nicaraguan city with my girlfriends.
the next morning i woke up, full of anticipation and worry that he just might stand me up. i had nothing to fear. there he stood, handsome and tanned, waiting beside two kayaks with a cup of coffee waiting for me.
we took off, slowly paddling alongside one another with easy conversation. we paddled around a tiny island about a hundred yards out, and then stopped to lay back and just float as we watched the sun rise. it felt like magic. there was definite chemistry.
we paddled on back, sat by the water, held hands and talked about how we could get in touch later. in a rush, and per his request, i quickly told him what city we'd be in and where we could meet - time, place, etc. a fool, i gave him no other contact information (email, phone, etc.). and then, with my friends, i took off for mainland nicaragua.
i was floating. i was so excited. and then plans changed. i had the option of standing my ground, ensuring that i arrived at the proposed meeting spot, or going with the flow to appease my friends. i chose the latter. and i never saw him again.
i am twenty seven now, and still think about that guy. the mystery canadian, the handsome kayaking partner, who (for all i know) was left waiting around while i never showed up. i still kick myself for what could have turned into an exciting, romantic, if fleeting experience.
but i learned from it. i came back from study abroad and started taking chances. that's how i met my current boyfriend. after one missed opportunity after we first met (never said i was perfect), the second time around i made sure that he knew exactly how to get in touch. we've been together more than three years now. i am so thankful i went out on a limb. and still kicking myself for letting the canadian get away.
Situation 3: you didn't do your homework
amy's experience - this has happened too many times to count. especially in college. showing up in class, or in lab, getting put on the spot only to give a dumb "uh...uh..." clearly bullshit response. it has happened in my professional life. submitting proposals i thought looked spot-on, only to realize later i had not read and researched the full extent of the prospective clients need. it's humiliating. makes you feel incompotent. and, for a while at least, teaches you to get your shit in order before you may be put on the spot.
Situation 4: you looked like a disaster in public (humiliation!)
amy's experience - i am sure this has happened to me more often than i am aware, but the one situation that really stands out in my mind happened to me last summer. in an effort to look my best prior to seeing friends, i went to get my already short hair-cut trimmed and perfected. and i was in a rush. my stylist not available? give me the novice! my hair would work itself out, and look just as i hoped it would regardless...right? yeah, no ma'am.
i came back home in a shameful sulk. i knew it looked bad, but was hoping it would pass by the notice of others. i tested it on my loving boyfriend. "ha, ha...don't worry, it's not THAT bad...my little mushroom head." fuck. the chick gave me a bowl-cut, for goodness sakes!
so i went back. immediately. to the salon, requesting a do-over. what did that require? more inches off. shorter and shorter, until i had less of a bowl cut...and more of a boy cut. i was horrified. and had plans to show up to a sporting event with a couple of my beautiful girlfriends and their husbands in less than an hour.
so we went. and my kind friends assured me that i pulled it off...my "cheekbones really make this cut work." they were so lovingly lying to me.
even better - we ran into one of my pseudo-exes that night. it was...spectacular. horrifyingly so.
the hair grew out. i learned to master the art of the bobby pin. but i was humbled. and now i am slow to judge those who are strong enough to brave the public eye when making a clearly acknowledged styling mistake. and i never, ever cheat on my hair stylist.
Situation 5: you spoke (callously) without thinking
amy's experience - i wish it weren't true, but this one has happened more times than i can count. and more times than i would like to (or could possibly) remember. the times where i fondly compare my dog to a new mother's child. when i imply that my sister's eventual children may end up obese. when i told my color-blind boss that, yes, your commentary on this design is un helpful and just plain wrong.
my current best memory of this has to be from a few weeks ago. cuddling with my sweet (and sexy) boyfriend, i put my hand on his bum...and then i slapped it. "hard as a rock, right!?" he joked. and i responded, "a rock? yeah, right...it's more like a marshmallow." *silence....* "a marshmallow?" ...i knew i said something wrong. deep down, i know that one should never compare someone elses backside...or most body parts...to a marshmallow. but i was joking - right?
yeah...it wasn't funny.
i'd hurt his feelings, and spent the next ten minutes trying to dig myself out of a hole. only to dig myself deeper. "well, you know, in this position anyone's bum would feel like a marshmallow...er...you know i love marshmallows. i love your marshmallow. would i continually smack it if i didn't love it? ...er...i'm sorry."
lesson learned? no more comparing someone's body parts to fluffy food items. ever.
(***for the record: he has a cute little man bum. i do love it. and it does not feel like a marshmallow.)
SO - now it's your turn. share some of your own requisite awful moments :) xo - aQ
...and i floss!
it's going to happen again. they've got me booked.
after years of going to the dentist whenever the spirit moved me (which was definitely not a semi-annual event...), i've been roped in.
i'm due for my 6 month. today. 2pm.
and i am terrified.
before you judge me and imagine that i'm just one of those women who never grew up, let me explain.
in my youth, i always had a positive relationship with the dentist chair. i looked forward to the new tooth brush, to the potential for stickers, to the positive feedback i was sure to get from the assistants and "the man" (or woman). i did not hesitate to head in the direction of the gritty toothpaste and rubbery tooth-cleanin' machine.
but that was then.
as i have grown older, my teeth have grown weaker. lamer. pu$$ies.
what were once "pretty teeth!" with ne'er an issue, are now cavity-prone and worn from nightly teeth grinding.
i blame it on reality tv that permeates my dreams.
...anyway.
the last time i went in for a check-up, it had been over 2 years since my last appointment. 2 years, friends. and shit, apparently, happens in that period of time.
i had 7 cavities. i think. it got to be so many that it was difficult to count.
i just closed my eyes, cursed and tried to visualize happy sex while i was drilled.
it still hurt. a lot.
you know they use effin' giganto needles to numb your mouth prior to cavity excavation, right?
it's true.
i don't like 'em in my arm. i don't like 'em in my hand. i don't like 'em in my bum and i certainly don't want 'em in my mouth.
fucking.needles.
it's the worst part of the dentist. and, unfortunately for me, it's an inevitable danger each and every time i sit in that damn chair as an adult.
so let's get something clear.
i floss. usually. i brush my teeth with moderate vigor.
something about this life has created a magnetic force between me and the dreaded sharps. is it karma? is it bad joo-joo?
what have i done to deserve this torture?
but so it is. and so i come to the office today, pre-dentist, prepared.
75 mini-flossers sit in my desk drawer. a bottle of listerine total care is standing alongside my laptop. my toothbrush is at the ready.
like many folks, presumably, i am praying that some hard-core cleaning and disinfecting will hide any potential cavities that exist in my amy mouth.
but my dentist is tricky. in a high-tech kinda way.
he's got this mouth camera that actually depicts - in vibrant color - each and every crevice in your mouth in which problematic bacteria/tartar may reside.
so that's where the listerine comes in. if it works, i am writing a heartfelt letter to johnson&johnson.
cross your fingers, friends.
i'm about to take it to the face.
after years of going to the dentist whenever the spirit moved me (which was definitely not a semi-annual event...), i've been roped in.
i'm due for my 6 month. today. 2pm.
and i am terrified.
before you judge me and imagine that i'm just one of those women who never grew up, let me explain.
in my youth, i always had a positive relationship with the dentist chair. i looked forward to the new tooth brush, to the potential for stickers, to the positive feedback i was sure to get from the assistants and "the man" (or woman). i did not hesitate to head in the direction of the gritty toothpaste and rubbery tooth-cleanin' machine.
but that was then.
as i have grown older, my teeth have grown weaker. lamer. pu$$ies.
what were once "pretty teeth!" with ne'er an issue, are now cavity-prone and worn from nightly teeth grinding.
i blame it on reality tv that permeates my dreams.
...anyway.the last time i went in for a check-up, it had been over 2 years since my last appointment. 2 years, friends. and shit, apparently, happens in that period of time.
i had 7 cavities. i think. it got to be so many that it was difficult to count.
i just closed my eyes, cursed and tried to visualize happy sex while i was drilled.
it still hurt. a lot.
you know they use effin' giganto needles to numb your mouth prior to cavity excavation, right?
it's true.
i don't like 'em in my arm. i don't like 'em in my hand. i don't like 'em in my bum and i certainly don't want 'em in my mouth.
fucking.needles.
it's the worst part of the dentist. and, unfortunately for me, it's an inevitable danger each and every time i sit in that damn chair as an adult.
so let's get something clear.
i floss. usually. i brush my teeth with moderate vigor.
something about this life has created a magnetic force between me and the dreaded sharps. is it karma? is it bad joo-joo?
what have i done to deserve this torture?
but so it is. and so i come to the office today, pre-dentist, prepared.
75 mini-flossers sit in my desk drawer. a bottle of listerine total care is standing alongside my laptop. my toothbrush is at the ready.
like many folks, presumably, i am praying that some hard-core cleaning and disinfecting will hide any potential cavities that exist in my amy mouth.
but my dentist is tricky. in a high-tech kinda way.
he's got this mouth camera that actually depicts - in vibrant color - each and every crevice in your mouth in which problematic bacteria/tartar may reside.
so that's where the listerine comes in. if it works, i am writing a heartfelt letter to johnson&johnson.
cross your fingers, friends.
i'm about to take it to the face.
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